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Writing Samples
Band 4

the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

#proportion #population #three #countries
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This
 line graph illustrates the
percentage
 of people who are above 65 years old between 1940 and2040 in three different countries including Japan, Sweden and USA. o
verall,
Suggestion
Overall
 there is a tremendous surge in aging Use synonyms s
ocietypopulacepeoplecommunityculturestatepublic
Suggestion
Societypopulacepeoplecommunityculturestatepublic
It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.
p
opulation
Suggestion
Population
above 65 in all the three c
ountries mainly
Accept comma addition
countries, mainly
after the
year
 of 2000. In 1940, the
percentage
 of people who were above 65 years old was between 5 to 10 % only. In USA was just below 10%,
then
 increased gradually to reach just below 15% in the
year
 of 2020. Studies suggest that after 2020 it is expected that the number will steep up to reach just below one quarter of the
population
.
o
n
Suggestion
On
the other hand, in Japan the aged p
opluation
the people who inhabit a territory or state
population
was gradually decreasing below 5%
,
Accept space
,
then
 in the mid n
intees it
Accept comma addition
nineties, it
nineties it
started to raise up to reach about 5% in the
year
 of 2000. i
t
Suggestion
It
is expected that
this
 number will climb up steeply to reach more than 25 % in the
year
 2040.
Lastly
 but not the least
,
Accept space
,
in Sweden the senior citizen above 65 was about 6% of the
population
 in 1940.
t
his
Suggestion
This
percentage
 is increasing g
radully
in a gradual manner
gradually
with i
ntermittent peroid
Suggestion
intermittent periods
intermittent period
an intermittent period
the intermittent period
of slow down
,
Accept space
,
h
owever it
Accept comma addition
however, it
is expected that
this
percentage
 will reach about one f
orth
in the fourth place
fourth
of the general
population
 in 2040.
Submitted by oazijam on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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