IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs show percentage of mobile phone owners using various mobile phone features. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs show percentage of mobile phone owners using various mobile phone features. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The chart compares five countries namely
France
Use synonyms
,
USA
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, Spain, China and Italy in terms of the
number
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 of
tourists
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 and tourist expenditure in the years 2012 and 2013. In general, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
tourists
Use synonyms
 in
France
Use synonyms
 was highest
while
Linking Words
 the highest spending on international tourism was seen in the
USA
Use synonyms
 during the period shown.
In addition
Linking Words
, both the
number
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 of
tourists
Use synonyms
 and the amount of money spent by
tourists
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of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the five nations mentioned increased slightly. In 2012, the
number
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 of
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 in
France
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 and the
USA
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were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 83
million
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 and 66.7
million
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 respectively, and after one year, these figures increased slightly to 84.7
million
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 and 69.8
million
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. There was a 3
million
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 rise in the
number
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 of Spanish
tourists
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 China saw
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 decrease in the
number
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 of
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 during the period shown. The
number
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 of
tourists
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 in Italy was lowest in 2012 and grew by 1.3
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2013. With regard to tourist spending, the
USA
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 had the highest tourist spending ($126.2
billion
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)
while
Linking Words
 the lowest expenditure was seen in Italy ($41.2
billion
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) in 2012. These figures rose to $139.6
billion
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 and $43.9
billion
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 respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
,
France
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, China and Italy witnessed an increase in the amount of money spent by their
tourists
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words france, usa, number, tourists, million, billion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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