IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

topics: We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree

#topics #world #technology #internet #terms #control #security #information
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Modern
technology
 has impacted
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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today’s world positively; everyone can feel the illimitable advantages of having
technology
 which is making the life of a human being more easy and conformable. Many
people
 are still taking it as
curse
Correct article usage
a curse
show examples
 owing to
privacy
 and
security
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
. I completely believe that the
internet
 is crucial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy growth, but we can’t escape the importance of control and
security
Correct article usage
a security
show examples
system
 which can be maintained by taking a few steps as it is mandatory for the sake of sensitivity and
privacy
.
Firstly
,
people
, especially
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation
is
Verb problem
apply
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interacting
Wrong verb form
interact
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 with even those
people
 who are living
at the end
 of the globe, through
Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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, which is possible only because of
technology up
Correct word choice
technological
show examples
 gradation.
People
 are communicating through social media either Facebook or Instagram. These days children are well aware not only about their own country, but
also
 about the abroad activities and rules, which are increasing their knowledge,
experience
Correct word choice
and experience
show examples
 and making them multi-cultural. To get more
security
 or limit
to
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apply
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their network,
people
 can use
privacy
Correct article usage
a privacy
show examples
system
 which is easy to use and maintain. There is only
need
Correct article usage
a need
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 to provide proper guidance regarding how to operate and keep
safe
Correct word choice
apply
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your stuff safe on
on-line
Correct your spelling
online
show examples
 sites. If proper education
will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 provided regarding the possible problem of having no
privacy
 and
security
system
, to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, it will make them more aware
about
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of
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 the adequate usage of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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.
Secondly
, in the commercial sector, revenue is gradually increasing only because of modern
technology
 and the
internet
;
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
show examples
 it will
get
Verb problem
be
show examples
 hard to share
the
Correct article usage
apply
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idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
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, knowledge and strategies with the whole world through a single platform. Businessmen are saving huge money by making deals through video conferencing.
People
 are able to make and receive
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
 online, which
is saving
Wrong verb form
saves
show examples
 their time and effort which they can consume
to
Change preposition
for
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 something valuable. Online transactions are only possible if there
would be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 proper
security
 and
privacy
, nobody can access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the stuff of other persons.
People
 are learning numerous skills and traits by observing and watching
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their mentor through social media. The
internet
 has increased
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
revenue and interaction among
people
. In conclusion, control and
security
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 mandatory to learn to take the optimum benefit of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
technology
 and the
internet
, which is raising the living standard of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
along with
 their income and knowledge.
Submitted by neetugoyal243 on

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph directly addresses the prompt and stays focused on the main topic. Make sure to provide specific examples to support your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by using transition words and phrases to connect ideas within and between sentences and paragraphs. Structure your essay with clear topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance the flow of your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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