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Band 5.5

topics: We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree

#topics #world #technology #internet #terms #control #security #information
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Modern
technology
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 has impacted
to
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apply
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the
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apply
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today’s world positively; everyone can feel the illimitable advantages of having
technology
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 which is making the life of a human being more easy and conformable. Many
people
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 are still taking it as
curse
Correct article usage
a curse
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 owing to
privacy
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 and
security
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Use synonyms
system
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systems
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. I completely believe that the
internet
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 is crucial for
the
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apply
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healthy growth, but we can’t escape the importance of control and
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security
Correct article usage
a security
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system
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 which can be maintained by taking a few steps as it is mandatory for the sake of sensitivity and
privacy
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
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, especially
young
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the young
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 generation
is
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apply
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interacting
Wrong verb form
interact
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 with even those
people
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 who are living
at the end
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 of the globe, through
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Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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, which is possible only because of
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technology up
Correct word choice
technological
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 gradation.
People
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 are communicating through social media either Facebook or Instagram. These days children are well aware not only about their own country, but
also
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 about the abroad activities and rules, which are increasing their knowledge,
experience
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and experience
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 and making them multi-cultural. To get more
security
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 or limit
to
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apply
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their network,
people
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 can use
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privacy
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a privacy
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system
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 which is easy to use and maintain. There is only
need
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a need
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 to provide proper guidance regarding how to operate and keep
safe
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apply
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your stuff safe on
on-line
Correct your spelling
online
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 sites. If proper education
will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 provided regarding the possible problem of having no
privacy
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 and
security
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system
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, to
the
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apply
show examples
society, it will make them more aware
about
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of
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 the adequate usage of
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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.
Secondly
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, in the commercial sector, revenue is gradually increasing only because of modern
technology
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 and the
internet
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;
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otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
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 it will
get
Verb problem
be
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 hard to share
the
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apply
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idea
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ideas
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, knowledge and strategies with the whole world through a single platform. Businessmen are saving huge money by making deals through video conferencing.
People
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 are able to make and receive
payment
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payments
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 online, which
is saving
Wrong verb form
saves
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 their time and effort which they can consume
to
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for
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 something valuable. Online transactions are only possible if there
would be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 proper
security
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 and
privacy
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, nobody can access
to
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apply
show examples
the stuff of other persons.
People
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 are learning numerous skills and traits by observing and watching
to
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apply
show examples
their mentor through social media. The
internet
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 has increased
the
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apply
show examples
revenue and interaction among
people
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. In conclusion, control and
security
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Use synonyms
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 mandatory to learn to take the optimum benefit of
the
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apply
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modern
technology
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 and the
internet
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, which is raising the living standard of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
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along with
Linking Words
 their income and knowledge.
Submitted by neetugoyal243 on

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coherence cohesion
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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