Schools should only offer subjects that are beneficial to student’s future career success. Other subjects, such as music and sports, are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no doubt that education is a primary and most imperative component these days. Some people believe that schools
offers
Suggestion
offer
those subjects which are better for
carrier
the particular occupation for which you are trained
career
growth and do not emphasis on other subjects. In my opinion,
although
, career development is a crucial
element but
Accept comma addition
element, but
extra activities
is
Suggestion
are
also
chunk
Suggestion
chunks
of education to keep the students energetic and creative. In
this
essay I will support my opinion with
example
Suggestion
examples
an example
.
To begin
with, other subjects,
such
as
music
and sports, are not important in schools. I disagree with the testimonial. Nowadays, most schools are focusing on the extra activities.
Such
as games, arts,
music
, sports. Students are vigorously participating.
As a result
, they become more innovative. To illustrate, in my
nephew
Suggestion
nephew's
school, they fix the Friday as
games
Suggestion
game
day.
Although
he is very lazy and not good in studies, but when it comes to
such
activities, he is very active and creative.
Furthermore
, physical doings are
also
good for health.
For example
, sports helps to remain fit,
music
gives an individual sense of enjoyment and peace, arts
such
as painting supports to be more creative, dancing is one which comforts to keep fresh. The ultimate benefits of all these tournaments
leads
Suggestion
lead
to the toddlers highly enthusiastic. In conclusion, some people think that others subjects like
music
and sports are not essential. In my view, other subjects
are
Suggestion
also play
are also playing
have also played
also
play a pivotal role. Physical activities
helps
Suggestion
help
to remain mentally fit and strong.
In
addition it
Accept comma addition
addition, it
also bounce kids
Suggestion
also bounces, kids
also bounces kids
a sense of harmony and relaxation which help them to be creative and lead their mind to generate more new thoughts.
Submitted by kojhani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

What to do next:
Look at other essays: