IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The table below describes the number of employees and factories in England and Wales from 1851 to 1901. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The table below describes the number of employees and factories in England and Wales from 1851 to 1901. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#minutes #employees #factories #england #wales #information #features #comparisons
The table provides
data
 on how many male and female
employees
 worked in
factories
 in the UK in England and Wales in six
separates
Replace the word
separate
show examples
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
, five decades apart, starting
1851
Change preposition
in 1851
show examples
.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the number of
employees
 which was all three: male,
female
Correct word choice
and female
show examples
, total decreased,
whereas
 the number of
factories
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased over the period shown.
Further
, male
employees
 were always higher than female
employees
 in all years except in 1861. Looking at the
data
 sets of
employees
 in more
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
, it can be seen that the number of
employees
 which was male and female and total stood at 287,100 and 190,000 and 477,100 in 1851, respectively, which were the highest values on the chart. By 1961,
data
 had halved to 131,780 for men but, slightly higher for women, at 160,000, out of
total
Add an article
a total
show examples
 of 291,780.
Following
this
, male and female
employees
’ figures dropped consistently to 31,000 and 30,000
at the end
 of the period. Total numbers were 61,000 in 1901. Turning to the
factories
data
 set, it is evident that there were 225 and 227
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
factories
 in 1851 and 1861, respectively. By 1871, it had tripled to 622, after which
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 peaked at 721 in 1881.
Finally
,
data
 fell again to 600 in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 part of the table.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words data, employees, factories with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "sets" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: