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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart and table below give information about population figures in Japan. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart and table below give information about population figures in Japan. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #population #figures #japan #summarise #features #comparisons
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The graph provides
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
present
Correct article usage
the present
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, future and past populace of
japan
Use synonyms
.The table
given
Add the auxiliary verb
is given
show examples
 below
also
Linking Words
 illustrate the ratio of the senior
citizens
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
japan
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
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 the total
citizens
Use synonyms
. In 1950 the
japan
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
 is 84.1 million and the percentage of
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 people is 4.9%. There
slightly
Change the word
slight
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 raise in the
population
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
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every 5 years till 2005. In 2005 the
japan
Use synonyms
 inhabitants
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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drastically increased to 127.8 million compared to 1950. The ratio of senior
citizens
Use synonyms
 is changed from 4% to 20%. Later on, the society of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
japan
Use synonyms
 seems to be decreased gradually from the year 2010 till
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2055. But the percentage of
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 people are getting increased in the future
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 41%.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the data given clearly states that the reduction in the
population
Use synonyms
 of
japan
Use synonyms
 in the future is
because
Add the preposition
ofbecause
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 the increased rate of senior
citizens
Use synonyms
 and
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation.The
population
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
japan
Use synonyms
 in 2055 will be nearly
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
that
Change preposition
as that
show examples
 of 1950.But the percentage of older people
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 quickly grown from 4% to 41%.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, citizens, population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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