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Band 3.5

The graph below give information about changes in the birth and death rate

The graph below give information about changes in the birth and death rate
#information #changes #birth #death #rate
Some people think that it is necessary for scientific
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 to be conducted under the control of the authorities
instead
 of private
companies
. Personally, I completely agree with
this
 idea for a number of reasons, which will be outlined in
this
 essay. There are several reasons to support my point of view. First of all, almost scientific
research
require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
 a long time to succeed and produce profits. Meanwhile, the top priority of private firms is to earn interest as much and shortly as possible.
Furthermore
, researches need stable funding during the time they are conducted, which is only possible for the government.
Secondly
, the main aim of
research
 carried out by the authorities is to improve the quality of people's lives, which has hardly ever received the attention of
companies
.
For example
, many non-profit
researches
Change the wording
types of research
pieces of research
kinds of research
show examples
 have been conducted by the government,
such
 as environmental or educational ones.
Moreover
, because the government has a social responsibility
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when new products are invented, their prices are controlled to suit
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
consumers.
Thirdly
, scientific matters like global warming need
dealing
Change the verb form
to be dealt
show examples
 with
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a very large scale and investment.
This
 is not difficult for governments from different countries as they can
co-operate
Correct your spelling
cooperate
show examples
 with each other to do
research
 and find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
solutions.
Finally
, when the authorities controlled
research
 activities, there will be the utmost security and no
intentional
Change the word
intentionally
show examples
 information misleading. They do not disclose any data which can have a negative impact on the national economy and politics.
On the other hand
, when private
companies
 undertake
research
, they usually try to complete them in
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
a short time to protect their interest.
As a result
, the accuracy of results cannot be ensured.
Furthermore
,
although
companies
 are given
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to do scientific
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
, we cannot see to it that their activities are always under control and not related to illegal experiments
such
 as nuclear weapons. In conclusion, I believe that scientific
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 should be carried out and controlled by governments rather than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private
companies
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore, such".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words companies, research with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 5 times.
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