In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #people #government #responsibility

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Healthy citizens are a major factor in a country's development. Developed nations are facing an obesity epidemic. One can argue, that the

government

Use synonyms

should take necessary steps to curb

this

Linking Words

problem. I agree that the

government

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should aware more people about a healthy lifestyle and take ownership.

Firstly

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, children are becoming obese and unhealthy because of increasing adulteration in

food

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Although

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

might not be the only problem,

but

Remove the conjunction

apply

show examples

it is a major one.

For example

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, foods are frequently tested positive for lead and mercury in developing countries.

These pollutant

Change the determiner

This pollutant

These pollutants

show examples

attack our metabolism and kills gut bacteria,

hence

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increasing weight.

In addition

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, recent studies have shown the link between lead consumption and cancer.

Use synonyms

Government

Correct article usage

The government

show examples

should increase the penalty on

food

Use synonyms

business

Fix the agreement mistake

businesses

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found adulterating.

Also

Linking Words

, there should be frequent visits by the health inspector

Change preposition

show examples

all

food

Use synonyms

businesses and restaurants.

Secondly

Linking Words

, in developing countries, health is more dependent on factors which

Use synonyms

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

can control.

For instance

Linking Words

, clean water, minimal pollution and proper medicines. If we look at India, the most common diseases are polio, dengue and malaria. All of these can be controlled by proper

measure

Fix the agreement mistake

measures

show examples

taken by the

government

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For example

Linking Words

, awareness programs should be introduced in every state to educate people on these issues.

Furthermore

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, free vaccine camps for children should be run.

This

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can kill diseases at a very young age.

To conclude

Linking Words

, unless

Use synonyms

government

Add an article

the government

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takes the necessary steps,

this

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problem will only escalate. In order to promote a healthy lifestyle, It is their responsibility to provide each citizen with good

food

Use synonyms

and medicines.

Submitted by divyakapila92 on Mon Mar 09 2020

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task response

Your essay addresses the question and provides a clear opinion. Make sure to fully address all aspects of the task prompt in your essay to improve task achievement score.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize your main points. Work on linking your ideas and sentences together more cohesively to improve coherence and cohesion.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

256 words

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