the bar chart below gives information about the number of students studying computer science at a UK university between 2010 to 2012

the bar chart below gives information about the number of students studying computer science at a UK university between 2010 to 2012
The bar chart provides information about the
number
of men and women who chose to study computer science at a UK university between the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
2010 to 2012.
Overall
, it is obvious that the university has a greater
number
of
students
from the UK than
students
from other countries. In the
year
2010, there were about 60 male
students
studying
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the campus compared to about only 45 female
students
. Out of which 39 were male British
home
students
and 31 were female
home
students
. The
number
of male
students
fell dramatically in the following
year
2011 to approximately 50
however
, an increasing trend of female admissions was seen in the same
year
.
Exaclty
Correct your spelling
Exactly
,62 female
students
studied computer science in 2011 including 44 local
students
and 18 foreign
students
.
Finally
, in the
year
2012
Add a comma
,2012
show examples
almost equal
number
of
home
and
international
Add an article
the international
an international
show examples
male student got enrolled which was 43 and 39 respectively.
However
, there was a significant difference in
ratio
Add an article
the ratio
show examples
of local to
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
the foreign
show examples
female
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
. By 2012 there were 45 international female
students
but only 20
home
students
in the UK university.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, year, students, home with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart
  • number
  • students
  • Computer Science
  • UK university
  • increased consistently
  • significant rise
  • recorded
  • enrolled
  • attributed to
  • growing demand
  • professionals
  • job market
  • popularity
  • technology-related fields
  • inferred
  • subject
  • gaining prominence
  • steady growth
  • positive trend
  • field
  • portrays
  • importance
  • technological advancements
  • society
What to do next:
Look at other essays: