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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the bar chart below gives information about the number of students studying computer science at a UK university between 2010 to 2012

the bar chart below gives information about the number of students studying computer science at a UK university between 2010 to 2012
#bar #information #students #computer #science #uk #university
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The bar chart provides information about the
number
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 of men and women who chose to study computer science at a UK university between the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 2010 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is obvious that the university has a greater
number
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 of
students
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 from the UK than
students
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 from other countries. In the
year
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 2010, there were about 60 male
students
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 studying
in
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on
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 the campus compared to about only 45 female
students
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. Out of which 39 were male British
home
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students
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 and 31 were female
home
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students
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. The
number
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 of male
students
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 fell dramatically in the following
year
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 2011 to approximately 50
however
Linking Words
, an increasing trend of female admissions was seen in the same
year
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.
Exaclty
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Exactly
,62 female
students
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 studied computer science in 2011 including 44 local
students
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 and 18 foreign
students
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.
Finally
Linking Words
, in the
year
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2012
Add a comma
,2012
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 almost equal
number
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 of
home
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 and
international
Add an article
the international
an international
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 male student got enrolled which was 43 and 39 respectively.
However
Linking Words
, there was a significant difference in
ratio
Add an article
the ratio
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 of local to
foreign
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a foreign
the foreign
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 female
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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. By 2012 there were 45 international female
students
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 but only 20
home
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students
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 in the UK university.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, year, students, home with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart
  • number
  • students
  • Computer Science
  • UK university
  • increased consistently
  • significant rise
  • recorded
  • enrolled
  • attributed to
  • growing demand
  • professionals
  • job market
  • popularity
  • technology-related fields
  • inferred
  • subject
  • gaining prominence
  • steady growth
  • positive trend
  • field
  • portrays
  • importance
  • technological advancements
  • society
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