IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time
We live in a fast-paced world where children thought their decisions are best for them. The mannerism of raising kids
are
Suggestion
is
 different
;
Accept space
;
some believe it is good for children to play around with their peer groups while others opine that being alone is entirely different. In
this
 essay, I shall discuss both views and make my thoughts known on the matter. The best way to acquire knowledge is to learn from others.
Firstly
,
Accept space
,
there is room for exchange of
ideas
Accept comma addition
ideas, although
although
 it may be quite pretty challenging because it will definitely
involved
Suggestion
involve
 full participation of the two parties.
For instance
, some children of the same age group in a community gathered to
workout
Suggestion
work out
 a task given to them on sport.
Also
,
Accept space
,
they can learn how to relate
in
Suggestion
to
 the society, developed some skills
such
 as
decisions
Suggestion
decision
 making which could be of advantage to them in their career life.
However
,
this
 present generation
are
Suggestion
is
at
Suggestion
on
 the verge of
high rate
Suggestion
the high rate
 of crime. Some are
been
the state or fact of existing
being
 exposed to vices which can corrupt and
also
 have negative impacts on them.
For example
, that act of smoking is globally condemned may be practiced amongst
such
peers especially
Accept comma addition
peers, especially
 when there are no proper checks.
On the other hand
,
Accept space
,
most parents restrained their wards to relate with others because attitudes towards pressure groups.
Such
 children can be
bored which
Accept comma addition
bored, which
 may lead to poor performance in their studies. To sum it up
,
Accept space
,
there are different views about raising kids
,
Accept space
,
certain quarters believed children should be given
freewill
Suggestion
free will
 to interact with the mates while others thought it is not good enough. In my own view
,
Accept space
,
I believe that the benefits of children taking part in organized group activities outweigh the drawbacks.
Submitted by hamzattemitope on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • occupied
  • organized
  • group activities
  • benefits
  • social
  • teamwork skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendship
  • discipline
  • time management
  • interests
  • hobbies
  • independent play
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • self-reliance
  • explore
  • discover
What to do next:
Look at other essays: