Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent days, doing a
job
Use synonyms
requires workers to move from their hometown, separating them from their relatives.
While
Linking Words
it has some advantages and disadvantages, I believe
this
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trend is more affected workers in a bad way. Working in a different city without any support from your family and friends could make you susceptible to
loneliness
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. If you cannot build a new relationship in your new residence, you will not have support if you encounter problems.
This
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case could be depicted by the higher rate of
loneliness
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cases that prevail in most of the major urban areas in some countries, where many people go there to pursue their careers.
However
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, there are
also
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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advantages, one of them is the
job
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opportunity that it offers if you are not constraining yourself to search for a
job
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only in your hometown. Many career
opportunities
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are available in main urban areas,
such
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as the capital city of a country or province.
For instance
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, the rate of
job
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opportunities
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tends to be higher in these areas rather than
rural
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in rural
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regions.
Therefore
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,
jobseekers
Correct your spelling
job seekers
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usually migrate and leave their social connections behind. In my opinion, the drawback of
loneliness
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epidemic risk is far disproportionate to the benefits of
job
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opportunities
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.
This
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phenomenon indicates a bigger problem that needs to be addressed by the government, which is the limited
job
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opportunities
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in some regions. Rather than letting people move to major urban settlements, it is more important to raise the
opportunities
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in regions that lack those
opportunities
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, than not inducing them to leave their hometowns. In conclusion, I believe the development of
this
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circumstance is not a good one.
While
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moving away could bring
opportunities
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for people, it needs you to sever your previous connection,
thus
Linking Words
making you more prone to
loneliness
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.
Submitted by rhisaaidilla on

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task achievement
Consider adding more supporting examples in the second body paragraph to strengthen the opposing view. This will provide a more balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences would benefit from clearer transitions to improve the flow between ideas. Consider using more linking words to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear context and a succinct summary.
task achievement
You have effectively provided a relevant example about job opportunities being higher in urban areas, adding depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career advancement
  • job opportunities
  • job market
  • salaries
  • personal growth
  • cultural horizons
  • adaptability
  • resilience
  • global perspective
  • emotional and psychological impact
  • loved ones
  • loneliness
  • homesickness
  • support network
  • long-distance relationships
  • emotional strain
  • face-to-face interactions
  • financial cost
  • housing deposits
  • travel costs
  • living expenses
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