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Writing Samples
Band 6

the charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world

the charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world
#show #percentage #water #purposes #six #areas #world
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The pie charts illustrate the proportion of
water
Use synonyms
 used in different ways in six areas. In
Europe
Use synonyms
, they use 53% of their
water
Use synonyms
 in their industries,
as well as
Linking Words
 North
America
Use synonyms
, with 48% of
water
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 industrially used.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, industrial
water
Use synonyms
 in central
Asia
Use synonyms
 is scarcely consumed, with only 5% of the
water
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
used in
this
Linking Words
 field.
Africa
Use synonyms
 consumed 7% of the
water
Use synonyms
 in industries, followed by South
America
Use synonyms
 with 10% and 12% of South East
Asia
Use synonyms
 Industrial
water
Use synonyms
. As
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be seen in the pie charts, the proportion of domestic use of
water
Use synonyms
 in central
Asia
Use synonyms
 and South East
Asia
Use synonyms
 stands at 7%.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Africa
Use synonyms
 uses an amount of
water
Use synonyms
 slightly more than those two areas by 2%. In North
America
Use synonyms
 and
Europe
Use synonyms
, they have almost the same statistic
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 domestic
Use synonyms
water's
Change noun form
water
show examples
 percentage with
the
Correct article usage
a
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 disproportion of 2%. South
America
Use synonyms
 domestically spent 19% of the
water
Use synonyms
. Agricultural
water
Use synonyms
 in North
America
Use synonyms
 and
Europe
Use synonyms
 is
poorly
Change the word
poor
show examples
. Opposite to the four other places (Central
Asia
Use synonyms
,
Africa
Use synonyms
, South East
Asia
Use synonyms
 and South
America
Use synonyms
)
when
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 most of their
water
Use synonyms
 goes to Agriculture.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that Agricultural
water
Use synonyms
 in six areas is spent the most. Industrial
water
Use synonyms
used
Add a missing verb
is used
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 the most in North
America
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 and
Europe
Use synonyms
.
Africa
Use synonyms
 used the least
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
domestic
water
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dungnguyenhoang0607 on

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words water, europe, america, asia, africa with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • irrigation
  • domestic
  • industrial
  • regional disparity
  • economic structure
  • sustainable management
  • water-scarce
  • population density
  • urbanization
  • data trends
  • resource allocation
  • percentage distribution
  • extremes
  • variations
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