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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduates students who did not go into full time work did after leaving college in 2008.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduates students who did not go into full time work did after leaving college in 2008.
#show #uk #graduate #postgraduates #students #time #work #college
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The chart illustrates UK graduate and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 who did
jobs
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
 work, voluntary work,
further
Linking Words
 subject,
unemployment
Correct word choice
and unemployment
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 after
finished
Wrong verb form
finishing
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 University studies in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest number of
students
Use synonyms
 shows in
further
Linking Words
 study in both bachelor's and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest number of
students
Use synonyms
 joined for voluntary work.
Although
Linking Words
 both types of
students
Use synonyms
 show a fluctuating pattern
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over the year.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart, 17735
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
graduate
students
Use synonyms
 did
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 only 3500
students
Use synonyms
 did voluntary
jobs
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 the largest figure of
students
Use synonyms
 did
Linking Words
further
Add an article
the further
a further
show examples
 course, which was around 29665 out of 30000.
Moreover
Linking Words
, only 16235 of the
students
Use synonyms
 were unemployments in companies. It clearly seems that graduates sharply fell in voluntary
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
, but
this
Linking Words
 trend dramatically increased in
further
Linking Words
 research. The highest number of postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
shows
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 in
Linking Words
further
Add an article
the further
a further
show examples
 inquiry
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is nearly 200
students
Use synonyms
 higher than
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 did
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
 works. The lowest statistic of
students
Use synonyms
 shows
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
voluntary
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 as the trend
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the graduate student.
However
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 1625 out of 3000 did unemployment
jobs
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by tharukapera55 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although, further, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, jobs with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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