IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socializing with others. Do you agree or disagree?

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By watching
Television
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 will spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
free-time
Correct your spelling
free time
show examples
.It can make
people
Use synonyms
 lazy and prevent them from socializing with others.In my opinion, I cannot accept
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the above discussion.
To begin
Linking Words
, TV
set
Fix the agreement mistake
sets
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 will telecast a plethora of movies programs sports and serials.
Generally
Add a comma
Generally,
show examples
 in
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
show examples
 time
people
Use synonyms
 will watch TV
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 makes them lazy and they will not try to socialize with others, they will become arrogant and quite
boring
Replace the word
bored
show examples
.
For Example
Linking Words
, I
will
Verb problem
apply
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watch
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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 in my free time and on weekends as well,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 makes me idle I will not use mostly Facebook
Whattsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
 Instagram Hike
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
applications
Use synonyms
 to socialize.I am the
best
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
 relevant example, which I will not use
applications
Use synonyms
 mostly.I will watch movies and sports in my
free-time
Correct your spelling
free time
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
But
Correct word choice
apply
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particular programs in video like news will help you know about around the world and
make
Verb problem
keep
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 them updated.Watching the English news or movies makes you good at English and communication as well.So If you are socializing you should
be having
Wrong verb form
have
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 friends, you can contact.
For example
Linking Words
, If you are not
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
good at
applications
Use synonyms
 and not
having
Wrong verb form
have
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 friends,
makes you
Verb problem
it is
show examples
 better to watch
station
Correct article usage
the station
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 or rather have a walk outside makes you feel good.But socializing means it is a waste of time and no use
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
applications
Use synonyms
 except discussion
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Whattsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
 and sharing or liking
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
photos
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Facebook, following
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Instagram,
looking
Correct word choice
and looking
show examples
updates
Change preposition
for updates
show examples
 around the world
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
hike is the only application
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 you will learn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quotes and information which you can share between
applications
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, by taking the above considerations in my opinion, the box will not make
people
Use synonyms
 lazy by watching
television
Use synonyms
 and will not miss
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 social life.It is obviously good to watch
television
Use synonyms
 rather than socializing which is relevant in present society. I recommend watching
television
Use synonyms
 rather than socializing with others.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion, but the argument isn't thoroughly developed. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea with supporting details.
task achievement
Some sections of your essay lack clarity due to grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Work on refining your language for greater precision.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow between sentences and paragraphs is not always smooth. Consider using transition words to improve connectivity.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument and give it more depth.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.
task achievement
You attempt to discuss both sides of the argument, showing some balance in your essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Cognitive laziness
  • Social interaction
  • Isolation
  • Face-to-face
  • Mentally stimulating
  • Catalyst for social gatherings
  • Educational content
  • Intellectual growth
  • Physical laziness
What to do next:
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