The line graph indicated the information about the number of questionnaires collected from Tourist Information office in a city based on individual, letter/email and telephone by first 6 months in 2011.

The line graph indicated the information about the number of questionnaires collected from Tourist Information office in a city based on individual, letter/email and telephone by first 6 months in 2011.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph indicated the information about the number of questionnaires collected from
Tourist
Correct article usage
the Tourist
show examples
Information office in a city based on individual, letter/email and telephone
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
6 months
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, it was obvious that it had an
in significant
Correct your spelling
insignificant
show examples
increase
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
directive
respond
Replace the word
responses
show examples
from people and letters, but
person
Add an article
the person
show examples
was the most common way
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
followed March.
While
Linking Words
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
enquires by telephone went down rapidly and get
a
Change the article
the
show examples
lowest number compared to others. Looking at the graph more closely, one can see that individual numbers
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
lowest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
January, approximately 400,
then
Linking Words
an upward trend was seen
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
that and reached a
pick
Correct your spelling
peak
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
June, around 1900.
In contrast
Linking Words
, telephone requirements
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
highest in the new year,
then
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
plummeted moderately and picked
at
Change preposition
up at
show examples
1600
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
June, lower than
by
Change preposition
per
show examples
person
Add an article
a person
show examples
. Thought it had a decrease from January to February.
Finally
Linking Words
, the amount of phone enquiries fall dramatically
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
five months and hit a low of roughly 280
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
May,
then
Linking Words
it remained nearly constant until June.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "indicated" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Questionnaire
  • Tourist Information Office
  • Individual submission
  • Letter/email communication
  • Telephone survey
  • Fluctuation
  • Stable trend
  • Gradual increase
  • Varied patterns
  • Surpassed
  • Significant rise
  • Seasonal peak
  • Tourist behavior
  • Information campaign
What to do next:
Look at other essays: