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Writing Samples
Band 5

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #changes #birth #death #rates #zealand #summarise #features #comparisons
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The bar graph depicts the changes in
birth
Use synonyms
 and
death
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 since 1901, and it gives forecasts until 2101. It is clear from the diagram that the
birth
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 are various and fluctuated during these years,
while
Linking Words
 the
death
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 are slightly more stable. Between 1901 and the present day, both
death
Use synonyms
 and
birth
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 continue to rise with some changes up and down,
however
Linking Words
, the
birth
Use synonyms
 amount has been consistently higher than the
death
Use synonyms
 amount, and it had its peak in 1961 with 65000
cases
Use synonyms
 which were a dramatic jump compared to the previous
rate
Use synonyms
 in 1941. For the future year period, the
death
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 is expected to decline slowly and it will be in the range of 45000
cases
Use synonyms
 by the end of the period.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
death
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
 will continue the upward trend, and it could have its peak in 1961 with 6000
cases
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the graph shows the
rates
Use synonyms
 of both
birth
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 and
death
Use synonyms
cases
Use synonyms
 in New Zealand during the 200 years starting from 1901 until 2101.
Although
Linking Words
 the
births
Change the noun form
birth
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cases
Use synonyms
 have been higher than
Use synonyms
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
show examples
cases
Use synonyms
 since 1901, the
rates
Use synonyms
 will change ultimately and the deaths will be superior
at the end
Linking Words
 of the whole term.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is expected that the
death
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 will overtake the
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 in 2041, and the gap between them will continue but in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reverse mode.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, death, rates, cases, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
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