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Band 7

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
The given bar chart indicates a comparison of Australian genders with the exact
percents
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 who do
exercises
Use synonyms
 frequently,
according to
Linking Words
 their various
ages
Use synonyms
 in 2010. As can be seen from the chart, males did more physical
exercises
Use synonyms
 than females at the age of 15 to 24. The figure was 52.8 % for
men
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 and 47.7% for
women
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. Contrarily,
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
next
Linking Words
 years of life females dominated doing
exercises
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, the percentage of
women
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 who were from 25 to 34 years old was 48.9% percentage of
men
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 at those
ages
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 was 42.2%. Especially, there was
sharp
Add an article
a sharp
show examples
 difference between them in their middle
ages
Use synonyms
 (35 to 44). 52.5% of
women
Use synonyms
 did
exercises
Use synonyms
 meanwhile the figure was 39.5 for
men
Use synonyms
.
As well as
Linking Words
, percentages of old ganders were nearly equal to each other which was 46.7% for
men
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 and 47.1% for
women
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, males did more exercise than
women
Use synonyms
 at early
ages
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.
However
Linking Words
, females showed an advantage in comparison over males for the
next
Linking Words
 years,
whereas
Linking Words
 the figures were nearly equal to each other in
genders'
Correct article usage
the genders'
show examples
 old
ages
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "next".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words exercises, ages, men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
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