IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In recent time economic growth has made some people richer in both developed and developing countries. While studies show that people in developing countries are happier now than before, people in developed countries are no happier than they were before.

#time #growth #people #countries #studies #show
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Money cannot guarantee people's happiness. It
is proved
Suggestion
is proven
 by experts that
although
Linking Words
 economic growth has made people richer, people from
developed
Suggestion
developing
 countries feel less happy than they were before.
In contrast
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, in poor countries, wealth
make
Suggestion
makes
 them happier. I will outline the reason why
this
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 phenomenon happened. In the case of developed countries, they are never starving. In the past, they can
found
Suggestion
find
 meal everywhere and able to bought it. Before technology advanced, they already went to
work
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as farming or
work
Use synonyms
 in a factory. They had enough money to prevent them from starving. Another reason is the
time
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 of working. They worked several hours and have
time
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 to take a rest. Meanwhile, in recent year, they
work
Use synonyms
 overlap
time
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 hours. They have no
time
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 to
do
engage in
make
 their interest or go on vacations with their family. It is because of competition among people. Their ambition encourages them to pursue their goal and achievement
for
Suggestion
in
 enhancing their status.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, residents of developing countries feel happier than they were before because they ever lived in a lack of education and food. In the past, it was really hard for them to buy some food and studied in formal education. But today, since they are richer than before, they can get both of those terms. They can buy an important stuff
for
Suggestion
in
 their
life
Use synonyms
. Another reason is they can manage their
time
Use synonyms
 working well, so they still have
time
Use synonyms
 to interact with other people. In conclusion, I must say that what we can learn about two cases above is to love our
life
Use synonyms
. It is true that we need to
work
Use synonyms
 and earn money for our
Use synonyms
life but
Accept comma addition
life, but
 it cannot be denied that we need to enjoy our
life
Use synonyms
 with our lovely people. So, we need to
thanks
Suggestion
thank
 for everything we have and we got.
Submitted by 140390119038 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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