IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people now undertake extreme activities, from hang-gliding to mountain climbing. Why do people risk their lives in this way, and do you think this is a good trend?

#people #activities #mountain #risk #lives #trend
These
day
Suggestion
days
 more and more people start doing extreme events
such
 as bungee jumping and
paragliding
Suggestion
Paragliding
.
This
 essay
first
 will discuss reasons of
this
 trend and
finally
 argue whether it is a good idea to do. In my opinion, there are two reasons for why people undergo
such
 risks like that,
first
 is being addictive of adrenaline. Some people just cannot be away from extreme life because they see these kind of activities as the most addictive drugs
such
 as cocaine.
For example
, one of my
friend
Suggestion
friends
 who lives in
US
Suggestion
the US
 is an addictive person
to
Suggestion
with
 the crazy activities. If he stays away from these kinds of events, immediately start sweating and cannot do his
daily
Suggestion
day
 jobs.
Second
 is problems that people have to face push them to do these extreme things since in their lives they trying to go through some serious hardships that's why getting closer to the death make them forget about the problems and they see these utmost activities as a relief. When it comes to the talk about whether it is a good idea doing intense activities or not, I think they are horrible activities to do if you do not want to die. Even though they say the gears and gadgets that are used are the safest, it
is
Suggestion
was
 hard to trust man made equipment's because 5 years ago in my hometown a man lost his life when he was climbing to a mountain. In the
video tapes
a video recording made on magnetic tape
videotapes
 that I watched, it can be clearly seen that when he was
on
Suggestion
in
 the middle of the mountain, suddenly the rope ripped off and he
felt
cause to fall by or as if by delivering a blow
fell
 down
on to
to on
onto
 the rocks. After I saw that video I could not even hike for a long time. When all things are considered, these days people want to experience extreme activities like climbing because of addiction and forgetting about problems.
However
, being too much close to the death is not a good idea.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Adrenaline rush
  • Thrill-seeking
  • Personal growth
  • Accomplishment
  • Resilience
  • Risk management
  • Social recognition
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Endorphins
  • Fatality
  • Risk assessment
  • Cultural phenomenon
  • Recklessness
  • Safety precautions
  • Extreme sports
What to do next:
Look at other essays: