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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The chart below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selelcting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relavant.

The chart below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selelcting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relavant.
#show #uk #graduate #students #work #college #summarise #information #features #comparisons #relavant
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These two bar charts show us what
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
UK undergraduate and postgraduate students do after completing their degree apart from doing a full-time job, In 2008. It is highly noticeable that students who completed the post-graduate degree are willing to find a
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
 job more than
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 other things. Which is a good thing. In the bar chart which
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 undergraduate students, numbers are from 5000-30000 but in a
post graduate
Add a hyphen
post-graduate
show examples
 student chart it is from 500-3000. It is a great example of what I said before. Lots
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 undergraduates are focusing
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
future
Add an article
a future
the future
show examples
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
, But the less interest they have in doing
voluntary
Add an article
the voluntary
show examples
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
.The survey is almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 in
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 charts. But post-graduates have more interest in doing part-time work as same as
further
Linking Words
 study. We cannot see that from the upper chart because it is much lower
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to future
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.
Submitted by 1431awwa on

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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 5 times.
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