IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.
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The charts illustrate the
number
Use synonyms
 of sports played by the
children
Use synonyms
 (
Football
Use synonyms
,
Athletics
Use synonyms
 and swimming) in the given period between 2008 and 2014 and the money spent by their parents.
Overall
Linking Words
, the money was spent in pounds and the
number
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 was measured in millions.
Initially
Linking Words
, the first figure was about the average money spent on
children
Use synonyms
's sports
then
Linking Words
 in 2008 parents spend an average of 20 pounds monthly. In the following 2 years, it slowly began to increase and went on increasing. Same way, it had reached nearly an average of 32 pounds monthly by 2014.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
next
Linking Words
 chart showed that the statistic of
children
Use synonyms
 had participated in 3 different sports
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Football
Use synonyms
,
athletics
Use synonyms
, and swimming. The engagement of
children
Use synonyms
 in
athletics
Use synonyms
 has experienced some fluctuation, meanwhile, swimming and
football
Use synonyms
 participations were almost stable. In 2008, nearly 1
million
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 were involved in
athletics
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of swimmers was 2.3
million
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of swimming
candidate
Fix the agreement mistake
candidates
show examples
 was higher in
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 initial phase, in 2011 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
athletics
Use synonyms
 and swimming were equal (2.5
million
Use synonyms
). The
number
Use synonyms
 of
participation
Replace the word
participants
show examples
 in
athletics
Use synonyms
 was on rapid growth, but it started to fall by 2014 by nearly 1.5
million
Use synonyms
, at the same time, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
participations
Fix the agreement mistake
participation
show examples
 in swimming has been increasing at the same speed.
Finally
Linking Words
, In terms of
footballs
Add a comma
,footballs
show examples
 it was found that mostly 8
million
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 had participated in 2008 and it has been running smoothly until 2009 after it showed a slight downfall of 1
million
Use synonyms
. Even though many were interested in the starting, it didn't go as it should be
Moreover
Linking Words
,
football
Use synonyms
 was seen
almost
Change preposition
as almost
show examples
 stable until 2010, it rose by 2
million
Use synonyms
 by 2014.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, children, football, athletics, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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