IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.
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The charts illustrate the
number
 of sports played by the
children
 (
Football
,
Athletics
 and swimming) in the given period between 2008 and 2014 and the money spent by their parents.
Overall
, the money was spent in pounds and the
number
 of
children
 was measured in millions.
Initially
, the first figure was about the average money spent on
children
's sports
then
 in 2008 parents spend an average of 20 pounds monthly. In the following 2 years, it slowly began to increase and went on increasing. Same way, it had reached nearly an average of 32 pounds monthly by 2014.
Secondly
, the
next
 chart showed that the statistic of
children
 had participated in 3 different sports
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Football
,
athletics
, and swimming. The engagement of
children
 in
athletics
 has experienced some fluctuation, meanwhile, swimming and
football
 participations were almost stable. In 2008, nearly 1
million
children
 were involved in
athletics
whereas
 the
number
 of swimmers was 2.3
million
.
Although
, the
number
 of swimming
candidate
Fix the agreement mistake
candidates
show examples
 was higher in
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 initial phase, in 2011 the
number
 of
athletics
 and swimming were equal (2.5
million
). The
number
 of
participation
Replace the word
participants
show examples
 in
athletics
 was on rapid growth, but it started to fall by 2014 by nearly 1.5
million
, at the same time, the
number
 of
participations
Fix the agreement mistake
participation
show examples
 in swimming has been increasing at the same speed.
Finally
, In terms of
footballs
Add a comma
,footballs
show examples
 it was found that mostly 8
million
children
 had participated in 2008 and it has been running smoothly until 2009 after it showed a slight downfall of 1
million
. Even though many were interested in the starting, it didn't go as it should be
Moreover
,
football
 was seen
almost
Change preposition
as almost
show examples
 stable until 2010, it rose by 2
million
 by 2014.
Submitted by anishpanta51 on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, children, football, athletics, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 7 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
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