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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the population figures for different types of turtles in India from 1980 to 2012.

The graph below shows the population figures for different types of turtles in India from 1980 to 2012.
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The line graph below illustrates the
population
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figures
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 for different
species
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 of
turtles
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 over 32 years between 1980 and 2012 in India.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
population
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 of leatherback
Turtles
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 has increased over the
period
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whereas
Linking Words
 green
turtle
Fix the agreement mistake
turtles
show examples
 and olive ridley
turtles
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 experienced a decline in their numbers with the latter suffering the most. With regards to individual
species
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, leatherback turtle
species
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 saw a
graudal
Correct your spelling
gradual
 increase in
population
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 from 100% in 1980 to 140% in 1998 post
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 their
figures
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 fluctuated before settling at around 120% by the end of the
period
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Altough
Correct your spelling
although
Olive
Correct article usage
the Olive
show examples
 ridley
species
Use synonyms
population
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 fluctuated before rising to 110% in 1997 which was
also
Linking Words
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 highest number, it later saw an exactly opposite trend to leatherback and slumped to just around 60% by 2012.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, The
figures
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 for all the
species
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 fluctuated over the entire
period
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 with the final
population
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 about 5% higher than that in 1980.
Similarly
Linking Words
, green
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turtles
Change noun form
turtles'
turtle's
show examples
 numbers
also
Linking Words
 saw a fluctuating trend with the
figures
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 slipping from 100% in 1980 to 90% by the end of the
period
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, figures, species, turtles, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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