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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart gives information about the number of car journeys into the city centre made by residents and non-residents. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart gives information about the number of car journeys into the city centre made by residents and non-residents. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph shows the number of car
journeys
Use synonyms
 into the city centre made by residents and non-residents over a
ten year
Add a hyphen
ten-year
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 period. In 1996 an average of just under 10,000
journeys
Use synonyms
 per day were being made by residents,
while
Linking Words
 approximately half that number were made by non-residents. Over the subsequent three years,
resident
Use synonyms
journeys
Use synonyms
 remained reasonably stable,
while
Linking Words
 non-
resident
Use synonyms
journeys
Use synonyms
 increased each year, exceeding 8,000 per day in 1999. In early 2000, parking meters were introduced into the city centre, and
this
Linking Words
 had the effect of virtually halving
resident
Use synonyms
traffic
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
 non-
resident
Use synonyms
traffic
Use synonyms
 decreased only slightly. By the end of 2002, the number of
resident
Use synonyms
journeys
Use synonyms
 had not altered significantly, but non-
resident
Use synonyms
journeys
Use synonyms
 had risen to their 1999 level. At
this
Linking Words
 point, Westgate Street and Park Lane were pedestrianised.
This
Linking Words
 resulted in a dramatic decline in non-
resident
Use synonyms
traffic
Use synonyms
, and a slight decrease in
resident
Use synonyms
traffic
Use synonyms
. From
this
Linking Words
 point onward,
resident
Use synonyms
traffic
Use synonyms
 remained more or less at the same level,
while
Linking Words
 non-
resident
Use synonyms
traffic
Use synonyms
 resumed its upward trend, reaching nearly 5,000
journeys
Use synonyms
 per day in 2005.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words journeys, resident, traffic with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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