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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram explains the process for the making of chocolate. There are a total of ten stages in the process, beginning with the growing of the pods on the cacao trees and culminating in the production of the chocolate.

The diagram explains the process for the making of chocolate. There are a total of ten stages in the process, beginning with the growing of the pods on the cacao trees and culminating in the production of the chocolate.
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The diagram explains the process
for
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the
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making of chocolate. There are a total of ten stages in the process, beginning with the growing of the pods on the cacao trees and culminating in the production of the chocolate.
To begin
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,
the
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cocoa comes from the cacao tree, which is grown in the South American and African continents and the country of Indonesia. Once the pods are ripe and red, they are harvested and the white cocoa beans are removed. Following a period of fermentation, they are
then
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 laid out on a large tray so they can dry under the sun.
Next
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, they are placed into large sacks and delivered to the factory. They are
then
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 roasted at a temperature of 350 degrees, after which the beans are crushed and separated from their outer shell. In the final stage,
this
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 inner part
that is
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 left is pressed and the chocolate is produced.

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "explains" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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