Some people think a country benefits from a large proportion of young university students, others think sending young people to universities only lead to graduate unemployment. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

With the advanced education, the
numberof
Suggestion
number of
undergraduates has been increasing. Some insist that a
numberof
Suggestion
number of
universitystudents
Suggestion
university students
only lead the unemployment rate of high-educated people to rise and it is not beneficial for
society
.
Accept space
.
AlthoughI
Suggestion
Although I
understand
thisopinion
Suggestion
this opinion
, I would argue that the large proportion of undergraduates has positive effects on
society
.
Accept space
.
Admittedly, there are some disadvantages to the increasing
numberof
Suggestion
number of
universitystudents
Suggestion
university students
. To
beginwith
Suggestion
begin with
, many young people may put pressure on having a bachelor's degree by themselves even though it is not necessary.
For example
,
Accept space
,
in Korea, almost people in modern
societytend
Suggestion
society tend
to go to the
universityafter
Suggestion
university after
being graduated from high school. Because of
this
tendency, some people could apply for admission to
universitywithout
Suggestion
university without
enough thinking what they want to be.
Therefore
,
Accept space
,
if those could graduate from university
,
Accept space
,
they are likely to be unsatisfied with their major. In
thissense
Suggestion
this sense
, a lack of confidence with their major could lead to frequent failures in finding decent jobs.
As a result
,
Accept space
,
this
tendency to demand higher education could not only increase graduate unemployment rate, but
alsocause
Suggestion
also cause
individuals to lose time and money.
However
, I still believe that well-educated people influence
society
positively. Programmes aimed at preparing global competition for employment help university students to find high quality jobs.
This
is because university students can improve their ability through these programmes, competing with their peers and obtaining expertise in their field. It is a proved fact that intelligent people can bring about more benefits for
econimic
of or relating to an economy, the system of production and management of material wealth
economic
growth than physical workers.
In addition
, strengthening individuals' ability in terms of their major can contribute to
successfully
Suggestion
successful
social outcomes
such
as
health care system
Suggestion
the health care system
or technology industry.
As a result
, developing the level of education will lead to a national growth more and more in many ways. In conclusion, according to the aforementioned reasons, the increasing number of graduates might have a negative effect on both individuals and
society
, but I believe that
this
should be seen as a positive development in many ways.
Submitted by kyunghea325 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: