IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentages #meals #three #nutrients #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The given pies illustrate the average
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
sodium
, saturated fat and added sugars
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
taken in four main
meals
, which
theirs
Correct the word
their
show examples
 overconsumption might be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 health.
Overall
, the majority of
sodium
 and fat were frequently eaten at dinner,
while
 most
sugar
Change to a plural noun
sugars
show examples
 was found in snacks. Lunch and breakfast tended to be having
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lower percentages of all three nutrients than other
meals
.
According to the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 percentages of
sodium
 occupied 43% higher than saturated fat by 6% in the evening
meals
,
while
 compared to snack times, the distance between those was virtually equal.
Moreover
, If both of these nutrients are compared during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Lunchtime, there is a tiny higher proportion between them in
luchtime
Correct your spelling
lunchtime
.
However
, in the morning
meals
, the consumption of
sodium
 and saturated fat was 14% and 16% respectively, which was almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 in snacks, except that the data
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 saturated fat was 21% In terms of added sugar, more than 40% of
this
 nutrient are from snacks, which nearly doubles the figure for dinner at 23% and nearly 3 times higher than for the breakfast at 16. Like other nutrients, breakfast and lunch always maintain
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a stable zone, which is under 16% and 29% respectively.
Submitted by beli.hangdo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, meals with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentages" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrients
  • unhealthy
  • typical meals
  • percentages
  • saturated fats
  • fibers
  • sugars
  • impact
  • average
  • consumption
  • trends
  • breakfast
  • lunch
  • dinner
  • highest
  • lowest
  • variation
  • implications
  • balanced diet
  • recommendations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: