IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status
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The chart illustrates the number of leisure
hours
Use synonyms
 spent by men and women in one typical week between 1989 and 1999
according to
Linking Words
 employment status. There are five
catagories
Correct your spelling
categories
: Employed including
full
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full-time
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time
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 and
part
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part-time
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time
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, unemployed, retired and
housewives
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, the hour of spare
time
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 spent by males were higher than
Add an article
a female
the female
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female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 with an exception of the employed
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part-time
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part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
Use synonyms
 and
housewives
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According to
Linking Words
 the chart, the number of
hours
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 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 in both unemployed and retired status reach
the
Correct article usage
a
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 peak of over 80
hours
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 the female in the same status remain constant at under 40
hours
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.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
Correct your spelling
similar
similiar
Correct your spelling
similar
 trend
also
Linking Words
 occurs with both genders who are employed full-
time
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, where female touches the lowest point and roughly 10
hours
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 less than male
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the employed part-
time
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 and
housewives
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 groups are dominated by women with the amount of leisure
hours
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are
Wrong verb form
being
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 approximately 40
hours
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 and 50
hours
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 per week respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, men employed
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
Use synonyms
 or as
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
housewives
a housewife
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housewives
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 had no spare
time
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. The conclusion that can be drawn from the graph is females enjoy comparatively less than their male
counterpart
Fix the agreement mistake
counterparts
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 and unemployed and retired people have the highest leisure
time
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, time, housewives with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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