The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status
The chart illustrates the number of leisure
hours
spent by men and women in one typical week between 1989 and 1999
according to
employment status. There are five
catagories
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categories
: Employed including
full
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full-time
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time
and
part
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part-time
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time
, unemployed, retired and
housewives
.
Overall
, the hour of spare
time
spent by males were higher than
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a female
the female
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female
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females
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with an exception of the employed
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part-time
show examples
part
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part-time
show examples
time
and
housewives
According to
the chart, the number of
hours
of
male
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males
show examples
in both unemployed and retired status reach
the
Correct article usage
a
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peak of over 80
hours
,
whereas
the female in the same status remain constant at under 40
hours
.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
Correct your spelling
similar
similiar
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similar
trend
also
occurs with both genders who are employed full-
time
, where female touches the lowest point and roughly 10
hours
less than male
On the other hand
, the employed part-
time
and
housewives
groups are dominated by women with the amount of leisure
hours
are
Wrong verb form
being
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approximately 40
hours
and 50
hours
per week respectively.
In contrast
, men employed
part
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part-time
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time
or as
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
housewives
a housewife
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housewives
had no spare
time
. The conclusion that can be drawn from the graph is females enjoy comparatively less than their male
counterpart
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counterparts
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and unemployed and retired people have the highest leisure
time
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, time, housewives with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

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