IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don't Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion

#people #athletes #role #models #points
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are many people who hold the opinion that famous sportsmen have their own way of influence
on
Suggestion
in
youngsters
Suggestion
youngster's
life
Use synonyms
, whilst others do not agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. Since
sport
Suggestion
the sport
 has achieved worldwide popularity and together with
this
Linking Words
 many teenagers try to imitate extremely familiar sport players’
life
Use synonyms
, I personally, believe that professional athletes indeed have
huge impact
Suggestion
a huge impact
 on young people’s lives. Each teenager or everyone in childhood had “idols” or role models, who sets the example for them. They want to copy their idols habits, gesture, manner and style.
First
Linking Words
 of all, famous athletes could be a great source of inspiration to do sports either be famous, be as fit or healthy as they do.
For instance
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 footballer as
Pele
(plural) any group of human beings (men or women or children) collectively
people
 used to suffer from poverty in childhood,
Linking Words
however he
Accept comma addition
however, he
 has tried a lot, practiced, developed by himself and being sixteen years old boy earned more than his father. In history, there are many
such
Linking Words
kind
Suggestion
kinds
 of examples, that media published, in order to inspire young children, understanding that who respect athletes, will follow that way, and one of them is Cristiano Ronaldo, or other Uzbek sport players.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, today not a few teenagers do not interested in professional
athletes
Suggestion
athletes'
 lives’. They do not follow or take an example from sportsmen
,
Accept space
,
That is
Linking Words
 why some people think that these sportsmen have not specific role
on
Suggestion
in
of
 children’s
life
Use synonyms
. From a personal point of view, due to the nature of celebrities’
life
Use synonyms
,
Accept space
,
 some top of athletes,
such
Linking Words
 as Tiger
Wood who
Accept comma addition
Wood, who
 suffered from drugs because of open lifestyle, lost his positive image in front of fans, owning to lasts lost their interest too. In
conclude
Suggestion
concluding
, athletes might have both good and bad role
model
Suggestion
models
on
Suggestion
for
 young people. It always have been depending on parents’ upbringing.
Submitted by abdshukhrat on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Role model
  • Professional athlete
  • Positive influence
  • Work ethic
  • Charitable activities
  • Endorsement
  • Overcoming adversity
  • Misconduct
  • Overemphasis
  • Physical success
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • High-pressure
  • Media spotlight
  • Perceptions
  • Behavior
  • Inspiring
  • Diverse role models
What to do next:
Look at other essays: