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Band 5

In some countries it is now illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #someone #job #age #development
In the modern world, the work environment is changing. In
this
 regard, considering the age of job seekers is illegal.
Although
 the majority of individuals believe that
this
 is a positive development, there are some
people
, who believe that
this
 tendency can create some misunderstanding among
people
. There is no denying that if the employees are motivated, it is reasonable to not consider their maturity
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 when they apply for the job.
In other words
, elderly
people
 can still bring benefits to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
as well as
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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commercial organizations in order to run their livelihood.
For example
, many old
people
 are keen to work after they resign, because they should take care of themselves and pay the bills.
That is
 to say, there are many elderly
people
, who have not lost their passion to work.
Accordingly
, it
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be a wrong idea to consider their maturity during the application process.
On the other hand
, there are some
people
, who believe that the maturity of applicants should be taken into consideration in order to hire younger employees.
This
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the modern market requires the ability
of dealing
Replace the preposition
to deal
show examples
 with sophisticated technologies. It is widely known that the young employee
on
Add a missing verb
is on
show examples
 the same wave with modern tendencies.
Accordingly
, they know more information about advanced technologies.
Consequently
, they should have more value during the application process. A good illustration of
this
 is the Western countries, where many employers are willing to hire young individuals in order to bring
an
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apply
show examples
innovation to their business. In conclusion,
although
 many
people
 believe that considering the age of applicants is critical for the prosperity of the organization
,
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apply
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 because young
people
 can deal with modern challenges,
such
 as new technologies, others feel that
the
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apply
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age should be out of
criteria
Correct article usage
the criteria
show examples
, because some elderly employees are motivated, and can bring a profit to the business.

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task response
Ensure that the examples provided are closely related to the point being made. Use more specific and relevant examples to support the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a clearer relationship between ideas and focus on organizing the arguments in a more coherent manner. Consider using transition words and phrases to improve the flow of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age discrimination
  • inclusive workplace
  • workplace diversity
  • workforce experience
  • equality in hiring
  • age-related stereotypes
  • demographic changes
  • economic growth
  • social security systems
  • consumer spending
  • non-discriminatory policies
  • bias
  • fair practices
  • retirement age
  • intergenerational collaboration
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