Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which type of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

Retirement pension is the money you receive after retiring from your company. Some individuals consider a fixed
age
for all sorts of jobs
such
as 65 years old would be a good policy, while others indicate despite occupations is not fair enough. They believe that an earlier
age
for certain occupations is a better option. I strongly agree with it. I would explain my point of view with examples.
To begin
with, jobs vary in different fields, and the abilities which workers require change. Take athletes and the library
employees
Accept comma addition
employees, for
for example
. Athletes usually begin their careers from the early ages, and they get involved with lots of trainings which are all energy-consuming. In order to achieve better goals, they have to keep
physical condition
Suggestion
the physical condition
better.
In contrast
, library employees might use less of
physicals
involving the body as distinguished from the mind or spirit
physical
energies and consume more
on
Suggestion
of
mind thinking and complicated
paper
Suggestion
Paper
works. Each job is hard in their own way.
However
, physical strength got worn out as the
age
grow
Suggestion
grows
, the older individuals get, the less energy they would have.
Secondly
, some works take a great deal of concentration, or they would lead to danger and harm.
For instance
, truck drivers, miners, construction workers and so on.
Construction workers' working environment
Suggestion
The construction workers' working environment
is dangerous, they have to carry heavy materials, climbing up and down in spite of hot sunny days or freezing wind. If someone
lose
Suggestion
loses
has lost
is losing
concentration, tragedies would happen. Same situations with truck drivers who require great sight, and miners who need to concentrate on which mine to get. To conclude, a fixed retirement
age
for all types of occupations isn't quite justice. Since the job requirements are various, retirement policies should be more flexible. Especially for the physical energy consuming, and the high-concentration jobs.
Instead
of a set
age
, they should get their pension at an earlier
age
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: