The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in

Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time.
Overall
, it is clear from the chart that the highest
education
of
women
included more than 1000 people was in 1999 when they were in part-shift,
while
men
had a rise
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
education
that contained only 1000 people in 1970 on the same shift.
Likewise
,
women
had the smallest
matched
Replace the word
match
show examples
of
education
under the full shift which was below 100 in 1971,
whereas
,
men owned
Add a hyphen
men-owned
show examples
the smallest
level
under
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
shift which was about 100 in the same year. Between 1970 and 1990, the
women
increase their
education
degree to
higher
Add an article
the higher
show examples
matched ground on the
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
which was from 100 to 1200. Contrary, there was
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
level
in the full
time
of
education
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
women
over a period of 21 years which was from 150 to 200 people.
However
,
men
decreased
educational
Correct pronoun usage
their educational
show examples
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
between 1970 and 1980
throughout
Change preposition
through
show examples
Add an article
the part
show examples
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
information. It came down from 1000 to 700 persons, whilst, the
education
level
of them increased from 100 to 200 individuals when they had
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
education
during same years.
However
, both
women
and
men
had
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
level
of discipline which was 200 persons when they were taking
full
Add an article
the full
show examples
time
. But in 1981
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
education
level
was lower than
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
schooling
level
in the full
time
.
Therefore
, it can be seen that the
education
level
of
women
was
further
than
men
in both full and
part-times
Correct your spelling
part-time
show examples
.
Submitted by aniya.sherwani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words education, women, men, level, time with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • full-time education
  • part-time education
  • further education
  • gender comparison
  • trend analysis
  • notable increase
  • decrease
  • consistent trend
  • educational patterns
  • substantial differences
  • preferences
  • evolve
  • societal factors
  • economic influences
  • accessibility
  • job market
  • gender roles
  • projections
  • implications
  • educational policy
  • workforce development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: