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Writing Samples
Band 4

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time.
#men #women #education #britain #three #periods #fulltime
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Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the chart that the highest
education
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 included more than 1000 people was in 1999 when they were in part-shift,
while
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 had a rise
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 that contained only 1000 people in 1970 on the same shift.
Likewise
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 had the smallest
matched
Replace the word
match
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 of
education
Use synonyms
 under the full shift which was below 100 in 1971,
whereas
Linking Words
,
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men owned
Add a hyphen
men-owned
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 the smallest
level
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 under
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 shift which was about 100 in the same year. Between 1970 and 1990, the
women
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 increase their
education
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 degree to
higher
Add an article
the higher
show examples
 matched ground on the
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 which was from 100 to 1200. Contrary, there was
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
level
Use synonyms
 in the full
time
Use synonyms
 of
education
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 over a period of 21 years which was from 150 to 200 people.
However
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 decreased
educational
Correct pronoun usage
their educational
show examples
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 between 1970 and 1980
throughout
Change preposition
through
show examples
Add an article
the part
show examples
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
information. It came down from 1000 to 700 persons, whilst, the
education
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level
Use synonyms
 of them increased from 100 to 200 individuals when they had
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 during same years.
However
Linking Words
, both
women
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 and
men
Use synonyms
 had
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
level
Use synonyms
 of discipline which was 200 persons when they were taking
full
Add an article
the full
show examples
time
Use synonyms
. But in 1981
Use synonyms
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
education
Use synonyms
level
Use synonyms
 was lower than
Use synonyms
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 schooling
level
Use synonyms
 in the full
time
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the
education
Use synonyms
level
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 was
further
Linking Words
 than
men
Use synonyms
 in both full and
part-times
Correct your spelling
part-time
show examples
.
Submitted by aniya.sherwani on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words education, women, men, level, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • full-time education
  • part-time education
  • further education
  • gender comparison
  • trend analysis
  • notable increase
  • decrease
  • consistent trend
  • educational patterns
  • substantial differences
  • preferences
  • evolve
  • societal factors
  • economic influences
  • accessibility
  • job market
  • gender roles
  • projections
  • implications
  • educational policy
  • workforce development
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