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Writing Samples
Band 4

2-In many cities, the use of video cameras in public places is being increased in order to reduce crime, but these measures restrict our individual freedom. Do the benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks?

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Introduction
In
modern era
Suggestion
the modern era
, there
is
Suggestion
are
 many aspects of using technology revolution in political ways one of them is
camcorder
Suggestion
a camcorder
. While there are some disadvantages in
this
Linking Words
 method, I believe its advantages have more strength.
Body paragraph 1
Admittedly, there are minor demerits of recording every scene in streets, parks, companies and even elevators.
Body paragraph 2
Firstly
Linking Words
, it can decrease personal privacy of
people
Accept comma addition
people, for
for
Linking Words
example during
Accept comma addition
example, during
 eating and talking to each other in a restaurant. In consequence making them uncomfortable.
Body paragraph 3
Linking Words
secondly
Suggestion
Secondly
,
Use synonyms
camera
Suggestion
the camera
 can only cover limited areas because it is artificial with specific angles
consequently
Linking Words
 it can not record every single motion happened in the area.
Body paragraph 4
Thirdly
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 these
Use synonyms
camera
Suggestion
cameras
 has been put to reduce criminal attacks
such
Linking Words
 as stealing, many thieves can vandalize cameras in many
ways
Accept comma addition
ways, for
for instance
Linking Words
 adjust the
camera
Use synonyms
 angles, spray the
cameras'
Suggestion
camera
camera's
 lens and even sticking it by gum.
Body paragraph 5
However
Linking Words
, I believe that merits of television
camera
Use synonyms
 can overcome all of those.
Body paragraph 6
Initially
Linking Words
, surveillance cameras in public spaces can significantly improve
safety
Suggestion
the safety
 of
public
Suggestion
the public
 and reduce
crime rate
Suggestion
the crime rate
crime rates
 to illustrate that in supermarkets with cameras have less stealing incidence.
Body paragraph 7
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 technique with its value of gathering evidence and clues can be used in tracking the crime and reach the criminals.
Body paragraph 8
Further
Linking Words
, cameras
of
Suggestion
on
 streets can be used for controlling road traffics to reduce congestion and prevent drivers from cutting the light signals and over-speeding as
result
Suggestion
a result
the result
 of these minimizing the traffic accidents.
Conclusion
To conclude, in my personal view the positive points of visual
recording including
Accept comma addition
recording, including
 maintaining safety, detecting criminals in shorter time and
remoting
Suggestion
Remoting
removing
renting
 traffics are more noticeable than basic negative points that might be associated with it.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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