IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The given line chart illustrated the amount of
money
Use synonyms
spends
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 by five categories among the different
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
British citizens in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2004. A large number of
money
Use synonyms
 spend on food and drinks
at
Change preposition
for at
show examples
 least
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
under 30 and the highest amounts spend by 76+.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the highest amount of
money
Use synonyms
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 on food and drink in all
age
Use synonyms
 groups, except that under 30.
As well as
Linking Words
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 spending
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 76+.
In addition
Linking Words
, restaurants, and hotels
popular
Add a missing verb
are popular
show examples
 among all
age
Use synonyms
 groups, except for 61-75 and 75+, the number
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
percentages like 2% and 7% spending
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the highest percentage
spending
Change preposition
of spending
show examples
 on entertainment
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was
61
Correct article usage
the 61
show examples
-75
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
,
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 around almost 23%.
As well as
Linking Words
 6%,
7
Correct word choice
and 7
show examples
%, spending
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
under 30
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 and
31
Correct article usage
the 31
show examples
-45
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
,
46
Correct article usage
the 46
show examples
-60 and 76+
ages
Change the noun form
age
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 percentage rank
similarly
Linking Words
 equal
like as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 14% and 13% respectively.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly observed that the highest amount of
money
Use synonyms
 spends on food and drinks
as well as
Linking Words
 a restaurant and hotels.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as, in addition".
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words money, age, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Expenditure
  • Categories
  • Age groups
  • Residents
  • Summarize
  • Main features
  • Comparisons
  • Trends
  • Patterns
  • Spending habits
  • Life stages
  • Childcare costs
  • Healthcare costs
  • Outliers
  • Economic factors
  • Social factors
  • Cultural factors
  • Leisure activities
  • Financial outlays
  • Demographics
  • Percentage
  • Allocation of funds
  • Consumption
  • Discretionary spending
  • Essential expenses
  • Generational differences
  • Income bracket
What to do next:
Look at other essays: