IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Water is a natural resource that should always be free. Governments should ban the sale of bottled water. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that
water
Use synonyms
 is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a natural resource that has been gifted
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
all
show examples
whole
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is argued that authorities should prohibit the selling of processed
water
Use synonyms
 in
bottle
Fix the agreement mistake
bottles
show examples
. In my opinion, I totally disagree with the aforementioned assertion for relevant reasons. There are several reasons why it's very crucial to maintain the
selling
Replace the word
sale
show examples
 of bottled
water
Use synonyms
 for the whole society members. One key reason is that processed
water
Use synonyms
 is considered much cleaner than tap
water
Use synonyms
,
for instance
Linking Words
,
water
Use synonyms
 in bottles is transparent like crystals,
while
Linking Words
 tap
water
Use synonyms
 contains
brown
Correct article usage
a brown
show examples
 colour
as a result
Linking Words
 of mixing with
muds
Fix the agreement mistake
mud
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 contains lots of germs. The reason behind the high quality of bottled
water
Use synonyms
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the chemical treatment that
purify
Correct subject-verb agreement
purifies
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 from all
muds
Fix the agreement mistake
mud
show examples
 and germs. Another relevant point , factories that make
this
Linking Words
 kind of
water
Use synonyms
 provide a wide range of job opportunities,
thus
Linking Words
 it helps a lot of employees to get enough salaries to satisfy their basic survival needs and to finance their expenses. If the government banned
this
Linking Words
 kind of industry, a lot of factories would shut down and a considerable number of workers would lose their jobs.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the rate of unemployment would increase
Linking Words
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 addition to
frequency
Correct article usage
the frequency
show examples
 of criminal activities , as
people
Use synonyms
 tend to steal money to get their basic needs.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, several governments , especially in developing countries, are unable to supply an adequate amount of
water
Use synonyms
 to the increasing population.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can satisfy their demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 through purchasing those bottles of processed
water
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, bottled
water
Use synonyms
does bring
Wrong verb form
brings
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 a lot of convenience, as
people
Use synonyms
 can take bottles of
water
Use synonyms
 with them to work and travel,
then
Linking Words
 use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 almost whenever or wherever they
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
, there are numerous individuals
tend
Correct pronoun usage
who tend
show examples
 to use their own
water
Use synonyms
 rather than using public facilities
such
Linking Words
 as drinking fountains because
this
Linking Words
 approach of getting
water
Use synonyms
 keeps them safe and away from being infected with harmful micro-organisms.
Also
Linking Words
, there are many patients who are prohibited
to drink
Change preposition
from drinking
show examples
 tap
water
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 health problems.
For example
Linking Words
, patients with previously
treated
Verb problem
been treated
show examples
 for renal cancer satisfy their thirst by drinking bottled
water
Use synonyms
 as they are completely
sterilized
Change the spelling
sterilised
show examples
 and free from carcinogenic predisposing factors. In conclusion, it seems that bottled
water
Use synonyms
 seems to have multiple crucial benefits
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 I
therefore
Linking Words
 believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should not ban the selling of
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
water
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Plan your essay with four clear parts: intro, body paragraphs for each idea, and a short conclusion. Start each body paragraph with a clear line about one idea, then explain it and end with a small link to the next idea.
content
Give one idea per paragraph. Use a simple example to back it up and explain how it supports your view.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling. Use short, plain sentences and fix mistakes in subject-verb and verb tense.
coherence
Use linking words to join ideas so the text can move smoothly from one idea to another (for example: also, but, because).
stance
Clear view against the ban is stated.
content
Many reasons are given about jobs and health.
content
Examples are used to back ideas.
structure
Conclusion restates the view.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Water
  • Natural resource
  • Free
  • Governments
  • Ban
  • Sale
  • Bottled water
  • Access
  • Clean
  • Inequality
  • Profit
  • Pollution
  • Environmental
  • Concern
  • Community
  • Health
  • Disease
  • Alternative
  • Public
  • Support
What to do next:
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