IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The money spent by governments on space programmes would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #governments #space #programmes #services #schools #hospitals
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It is argued that
government
Use synonyms
 should reallocate the settled budget of
space
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technology
Use synonyms
 for other crucial public services,
such
Linking Words
 as colleges and universities as well as hospitals. In my opinion, I totally disagree with the aforementioned assertion because I believe that
space
Use synonyms
 projects are as essential as these public services,
therefore
Linking Words
Use synonyms
government
Suggestion
the government
 should wisely finance both of them There are two main reasons why
authorities
Suggestion
the authorities
 should subsidy
space
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 fields. The
first
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 point,
Space
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 exploration has brought to us thousands of inventions which
have brought
Suggestion
bring
 to us manifold benefits to our daily life.
For example
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, the common smoke and fire detector used in homes
,
Accept space
,
 hospitals and hotels was
first
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 prepared for spacecrafts as a warning
system
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. Those devices have assisted us to enhance
healthy
Suggestion
health
 and safety atmosphere in our societies. The
second
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 one,
space
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 exploration outcomes have contributed to enhance the efficiency and the quality of vital public services.
For instance
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, conquering the
space
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 has brought to us the internet
technology
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 with all benefits contributed to enhance education
system
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.
Besides
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,
Space
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technology
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 has offered a big hand in the medical field to achieve
further
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 progress.
Pace maker
Suggestion
Pacemaker
 used to treat cardiac patients and remote monitoring devices for intensive care patients are considered to be relevant applications of
space
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technology
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. In the same time,
government
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 should struggle to enhance the allocated money spending for important public services for relevant aspects. These public services are considered to be a
corner stone
the fundamental assumptions from which something is begun or developed or calculated or explained
cornerstone
 to satisfy the need of human basic survival needs. People cannot experience safe life without the existence of
strong healthcare
Suggestion
a strong health care system
strong health care system
system
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, society members would be unable to meet the challenge of the modern world without being equipped with the updated knowledge and serviced with
the high
Suggestion
the highest
 quality
od
connects a noun with the preceding word
of
old
 education
system
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
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, public services are considered as an important measurement for evaluation the progress of the nation.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
government
Use synonyms
 should support these services in order to maintain its developing and to improve the quality of life standards.
Finally
Linking Words
, It seems to me that both
space
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technology
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 and essential services bring equally vital benefits for the whole societies, so
government
Use synonyms
 should put the full consideration for supporting them.
Submitted by ramysafwat85 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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