IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The table below shows the proportion of different categories of families living in poverty in Australia in 1999.

The table below shows the proportion of different categories of families living in poverty in Australia in 1999.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These data sources clearly
communicates
Change the verb form
communicate
show examples
 the
poverty
Use synonyms
 rates of six household types in Australia in 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, levels of
poverty
Use synonyms
 were higher for single
people
Use synonyms
 than for couples, and
people
Use synonyms
 with
children
Use synonyms
 were more likely to be poor than those without. The lowest
poverty
Use synonyms
 rate was
elderly
Change preposition
among elderly
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. There was around 11%
Change preposition
of Australia
show examples
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
show examples
 citizens, or 1,837,000
people
Use synonyms
, were living in
poverty
Use synonyms
 in 1999. Aged
people
Use synonyms
 were the least likely to be poor, with
poverty
Use synonyms
 levels of 6% and 4% for
single
Add an article
the single
a single
show examples
 aged
person
Fix the agreement mistake
persons
show examples
 and aged
couple
Fix the agreement mistake
couples
show examples
, individually. Single
people
Use synonyms
 without
children
Use synonyms
 and sole
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 and
couple
Fix the agreement mistake
couples
show examples
had
Correct pronoun usage
who had
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 made up the majority of households
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
living in
poverty
Use synonyms
, with the figure being around 19%, 21% and approximately 12%, respectively. The percentage
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
couple
Add an article
a couple
the couple
show examples
 who have no
children
Use synonyms
 were much lower, its figures accounted for only 7%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all households'
poverty
Use synonyms
 rates.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Add more linking words.
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words poverty, people, children with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • categories
  • families
  • poverty
  • single-parent
  • childcare
  • income
  • couples
  • dependents
  • older adults
  • pensions
  • unemployed
  • financial resources
What to do next:
Look at other essays: