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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The table below shows the proportion of different categories of families living in poverty in Australia in 1999.

The table below shows the proportion of different categories of families living in poverty in Australia in 1999.
#proportion #categories #families #poverty #australia
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These data sources clearly
communicates
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communicate
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 the
poverty
 rates of six household types in Australia in 1999.
Overall
, levels of
poverty
 were higher for single
people
 than for couples, and
people
 with
children
 were more likely to be poor than those without. The lowest
poverty
 rate was
elderly
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among elderly
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people
. There was around 11%
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of Australia
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Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
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 citizens, or 1,837,000
people
, were living in
poverty
 in 1999. Aged
people
 were the least likely to be poor, with
poverty
 levels of 6% and 4% for
single
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the single
a single
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 aged
person
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persons
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 and aged
couple
Fix the agreement mistake
couples
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, individually. Single
people
 without
children
 and sole
parent
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parents
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 and
couple
Fix the agreement mistake
couples
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had
Correct pronoun usage
who had
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children
 made up the majority of households
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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living in
poverty
, with the figure being around 19%, 21% and approximately 12%, respectively. The percentage
for
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of
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couple
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a couple
the couple
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 who have no
children
 were much lower, its figures accounted for only 7%
in
Change preposition
of
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 all households'
poverty
 rates.
Submitted by monikahuynh152 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words poverty, people, children with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • categories
  • families
  • poverty
  • single-parent
  • childcare
  • income
  • couples
  • dependents
  • older adults
  • pensions
  • unemployed
  • financial resources
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