The two graphs below show the percentage of smokers and the consumption of alcohol in litres in selected countries for the period 1960-2000. Write a report for a lecturer describing the information in the graphs.

#two #graphs #show #percentage #smokers #consumption #alcohol #litres #countries #period #report #lecturer #information

The two line graphs illustrate the proportion of smokers and the consumption of

alcohol

in different countries, during a 40-year period, between 1960 and 2000. It is noticeable that the trend in smoking declined significantly,

while

the consumption of

alcohol

saw a fluctuating pattern. Statistically, the highest

percentage

of smokers was recorded by Holland in 1960, followed by Japan standing at under 50%. In terms of smoking,

USA

Correct article usage

the USA

show examples

with the approximate annual

percentage

rate was 40%.

In contrast

, the figures for smokers in Holland and Japan fell by forty

percentage

points in 2000,

while

smoker figures in

USA

Correct article usage

the USA

show examples

witnessed

significant

Correct article usage

a significant

show examples

percentage

downwards Turning to the figure for

alcohol

consumption, 1960 and 1980 saw

gradual

Correct article usage

a gradual

show examples

upwards for both countries, Holland and USA. Dutch people consuming

alcohol

were 4-to-11

liters

Change the spelling

litres

show examples

Change preposition

of, while

show examples

while

Americans consumed it from 8

liters

Change the spelling

litres

show examples

to 10

liters

Change the spelling

litres

show examples

. There was a slight change between 1960 and 2000,

under

Change preposition

with under

show examples

liters

Change the spelling

litres

show examples

people

Change preposition

of people

show examples

consuming

alcohol

in Turkey.

Submitted by phamnhatminh01 on Sun Apr 26 2020

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words alcohol, percentage, liters with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.

▼

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2Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

155 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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