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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008

The chart below shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008
#percentage #people #five #portions #fruits #vegetables #uk
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The diagram below illustrates the percentage of citizens
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 consumed five portions of fruits and vegetables a day around the UK during the period between 2001 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
citizen's
Change noun form
citizen
show examples
 ratio, which consumed five portions of food increased each year, leading to a significant rise in the UK and
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
 gradually since 2006. Meanwhile,
women
Use synonyms
's consumption was hitting a peak than any other gender every year. In 2001, the ratio of
children
Use synonyms
 consumed per day located at over 10%,
whereas
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 earned more than 15% and
women
Use synonyms
's proportion was highest at
approximate
Change the word
approximately
show examples
 20%. In the 3 subsequent years,
children
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 were stabilized
while
Linking Words
 the
women
Use synonyms
 grew sharply and earned over 25% in 2003.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 2006, the rate of
children
Use synonyms
,
women
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
men
Correct word choice
and men
show examples
 reached peaks of over 20%, 25%,
30
Correct word choice
and 30
show examples
% respectively. Contrarily, in the following 2 years, all the categories declined gradually except
men
Use synonyms
, which maintained at 25% in 2007.
To2008
Correct your spelling
In 2008
, the percentage of citizens
consumed
Correct pronoun usage
who consumed
show examples
 fruits and vegetables decreased
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to
approximate
Change the word
approximately
show examples
 20% for
children
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
25% for
men
Use synonyms
 and 30% for
women
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by vr.capcap on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, children, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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