IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008

The chart below shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008
#percentage #people #five #portions #fruits #vegetables #uk
The diagram below illustrates the percentage of citizens
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 consumed five portions of fruits and vegetables a day around the UK during the period between 2001 and 2008.
Overall
, the
citizen's
Change noun form
citizen
show examples
 ratio, which consumed five portions of food increased each year, leading to a significant rise in the UK and
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
 gradually since 2006. Meanwhile,
women
's consumption was hitting a peak than any other gender every year. In 2001, the ratio of
children
 consumed per day located at over 10%,
whereas
men
 earned more than 15% and
women
's proportion was highest at
approximate
Change the word
approximately
show examples
 20%. In the 3 subsequent years,
children
 and
men
 were stabilized
while
 the
women
 grew sharply and earned over 25% in 2003.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 2006, the rate of
children
,
women
,
men
Correct word choice
and men
show examples
 reached peaks of over 20%, 25%,
30
Correct word choice
and 30
show examples
% respectively. Contrarily, in the following 2 years, all the categories declined gradually except
men
, which maintained at 25% in 2007.
To2008
Correct your spelling
In 2008
, the percentage of citizens
consumed
Correct pronoun usage
who consumed
show examples
 fruits and vegetables decreased
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to
approximate
Change the word
approximately
show examples
 20% for
children
,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
25% for
men
 and 30% for
women
.
Submitted by vr.capcap on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, children, men with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: