IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

City planners’ new designs include setting up schools, markets and commercial places (like office) in different areas of the city. Do you think it will help the city dwellers?

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We live in
the
Correct article usage
an
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 age when urban areas are developing extremely rapidly and the quality of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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new cities is
also
Linking Words
 on the rise. It can be seen, that
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 amount of social
infrastructure
Use synonyms
 (like shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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, schools, universities, etc.) is included
on
Change preposition
in
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design
Correct article usage
the design
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 plans of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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today
Change noun form
today's
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 cities.
This
Linking Words
 essay will figure out how
this
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 trend will influence
on
Change preposition
apply
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the local citizens of
such
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 places. I personally believe, that
this
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 development has a positive meaning and my reason will be given in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
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, the construction of new apartment blocks with all
required
Correct article usage
the required
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infrastructure
Use synonyms
 can help to improve ecology. We can see that
,
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apply
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 individuals who live in traditional suburbs usually travel too much, because there are not enough universities, schools, supermarkets and hospitals in these places.
This
Linking Words
 means
higher
Add an article
a higher
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 level of usage of
of
Remove the redundancy
apply
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personal vehicles or public transport
,
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apply
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 when cars produce emissions and pollute
air
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the air
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.
However
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, the opportunity to reach all needed services by step or
bisycle
Correct your spelling
bicycle
 can help to reduce the number of individual cars and to make the ecological situation better.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
including
Replace the word
inclusion
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 of offices, educational services, and entertainment facilities in the new cities is expected to decrease the number of
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams in the future. It should be mentioned, that the lack of internal
infrastructure
Use synonyms
 will force people to travel to other parts of the city for work, studies or shopping and it will create additional
traffic
Use synonyms
 load in
existing
Correct article usage
the existing
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 region.
For instance
Linking Words
, the intensive erection of new apartment blocks without all
required
Correct article usage
the required
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infrastructure
Use synonyms
 in Leningradskaya Oblast caused considerable
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams in Saint-Petersburg. In conclusion, the building of shopping malls, schools, offices and other facilities for future citizens can help to avoid problems with
traffic
Use synonyms
 and to
decline
Verb problem
reduce
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 the negative impact on the environment.

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Task Achievement
Try to provide a clearer thesis statement in your introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss. Your current introduction vaguely mentions the positive influence but could benefit from specific points of discussion for clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that all ideas flow logically from one to the next. Use linking phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs, making sure that each idea supports the overall argument clearly.
Task Achievement
When stating facts or examples, ensure they are well-explained and clearly relate to the argument being made. For instance, elaborate a bit more on how specific infrastructure improvements directly benefit residents.
Content
You effectively highlight the environmental benefits of reduced travel, which is a strong point in your argument.
Coherence
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main arguments, making it clear how the infrastructure changes benefit city dwellers.
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