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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The tble and pie chart show in percentage terms the results of a survey of a new shopping complex in auckland newzeland.

The tble and pie chart show in percentage terms the results of a survey of a new shopping complex in auckland newzeland.
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The table and pie chart illustrates the data about
survey
Add an article
a survey
the survey
show examples
 of a new shopping complex in proportion terms in Auckland and New Zealand. In an overview,
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
Add a missing verb
are similar
show examples
similar
Change the word
similarly
show examples
 dissatisfied
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
shops
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
satisfied
Add a missing verb
are satisfied
show examples
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
restaurants
Use synonyms
. It is crystal clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
Use synonyms
men
Correct quantifier usage
number of men
show examples
 and
women
Use synonyms
satisfied
Add a missing verb
are satisfied
show examples
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
shops
Use synonyms
 and
restaurants
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, shoppers are very satisfied
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
shops
Use synonyms
 which are 17% and 34% and 25%
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
very
Add a missing verb
are very
show examples
 satisfied and 27% for
restaurants
Use synonyms
.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, 18%
Use synonyms
men
Change preposition
of men
show examples
 and 9%
Use synonyms
women
Change preposition
of women
show examples
Add a missing verb
do no
show examples
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 comment
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
shops
Use synonyms
, minimum
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
dissatisfied
Add a missing verb
are dissatisfied
show examples
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
restaurants
Use synonyms
 which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 5% and 21%
Change preposition
of female
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
 dissatisfied
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
restaurants
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, 15%
no
Change preposition
of no
show examples
comment
Fix the agreement mistake
comments
show examples
 by
men
Use synonyms
 and 20% by
women
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
restaurants
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
population
Add an article
the population
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satisfied
Add a missing verb
is satisfied
show examples
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
design
Correct article usage
the design
show examples
 which is 62% and the
second
Linking Words
 highest is very satisfied
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
design
Correct article usage
the design
show examples
 which is 17%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, 10%
shoppers
Change preposition
of shoppers
show examples
dissatisfied
Add a missing verb
were dissatisfied
show examples
 and 11%
Use synonyms
men
Change preposition
of men
show examples
 and
women
Use synonyms
no
Add a missing verb
had no
show examples
 comment
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
design
Correct article usage
the design
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, shops, restaurants with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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