IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that video games are advantageous, while others believe video games are harmful to the people who play them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #video #games
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 is beneficial to their users
while
Linking Words
 others say that
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are more disadvantageous. I will discuss both sides of
this
Linking Words
 argument in my essay below and give my personal view in the conclusion. On the one hand, playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 has some advantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
games
Use synonyms
 help their
players
Use synonyms
 relax and
therefore
Linking Words
 improve their work efficiency afterwards.
This
Linking Words
 is extremely important for both working
people
Use synonyms
 and students who have to deal with increasing
workload
Fix the agreement mistake
workloads
show examples
 nowadays .
Secondly
Linking Words
, playing
games
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some educational purposes. For example, many modern
games
Use synonyms
 are designed with English instructions, and
players
Use synonyms
 around the world can play together and communicate in English.
This
Linking Words
 motivates
players
Use synonyms
 to learn English in order to play the
games
Use synonyms
 well.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 frequently causes several problems for
players
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
such
Linking Words
 an activity is really addictive and sometimes takes away too much time, which will make it extremely difficult for
people
Use synonyms
 to get out and do exercise.
Consequently
Linking Words
, these
people
Use synonyms
 are likely to suffer from a lot of diseases,
such
Linking Words
 as back pain or maybe obesity,
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 lack of physical exercise (Supporting sentence). The second disadvantage of playing
games
Use synonyms
 is that it can distract
players
Use synonyms
, especially young students, from their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 or work.
For instance
Linking Words
, my younger brother used to spend hours playing
games
Use synonyms
 every day, and now his scores at school are really low. In conclusion, playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 is both advantageous and disadvantageous in many aspects. And in my view, the extent to which each user of
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 is affected is different and more or less depends on how much time he or she spends on those
games
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by kuldp299 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: