IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the main reasons for the study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the main reasons for the study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The first bar chart illustrates the proper reasons for the
class
Use synonyms
,
suchsuch
Correct your spelling
such such
 as the career and the
interest
Use synonyms
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
 the
second
Linking Words
 bar chart illustrates the support from employers
such
Linking Words
 as time off and help with fees
according to
Linking Words
 different ages respectively. When the age is below 26, the most cause of the
class
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 is a
race
Use synonyms
 about four-fifths where only one in ten do
class
Use synonyms
 for the sake of
interest
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 youth group, the support from employers
about
Add a missing verb
is about
show examples
 two-thirds. From the youth of 26 to 29, the significant cause of study is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
race
Use synonyms
 which is two-thirds, but only less than one-fifth perform their
class
Use synonyms
 for their
interest
Use synonyms
 only. At
this
Linking Words
 youth, the help from the employer
about
Add a missing verb
is about
show examples
 a half
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. In the meantime, the maturity from 30 to 39, the most cause of the
class
Use synonyms
 is the
race
Use synonyms
 about more than half where one-fourth of
people
Use synonyms
 take to
class
Use synonyms
 only about the enthusiasm. In
this
Linking Words
 maturity
class
Use synonyms
, only one-
third
Linking Words
 proportion get help from employers.
However
Linking Words
, the old of 40 to 49, the reason for the
class
Use synonyms
 has an equal proportion of
race
Use synonyms
 and
interest
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 club of
people
Use synonyms
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 more than
one
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
third
Linking Words
 proportion help from the boss. In the
last
Linking Words
 old age group
people
Use synonyms
 whose ages are over 49, most of them have studied for their
interest
Use synonyms
 at about two-
third
Linking Words
 ration where they get help from an employer than 40
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as time off and payment. I recapitulate
overall
Linking Words
 from
this
Linking Words
 trend, the
race
Use synonyms
 reason for studying is decreasing in terms of high age.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the dependency
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 an employer has been sinking at middle maturity.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such, third".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words class, interest, people, race with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: