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Band 5

SOME PEOPLE THINK CULTURAL TRADITIONS MAY BE DESTROYED WHEN THEY ARE USED AS MONEY-MAKING ATTRACTIONS AIMED AT TOURISTS. OTHER BELIEVE IT IS THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE THESE TRADITIONS. DISCUSS ON BOTH SIDES AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.

#people #traditions #attractions #tourists
Tourism
industries now
Accept comma addition
industries, now
 is emerged out as one of the fastest growing industries since
last
 few decades. By these, some laymen have
opine
Suggestion
opined
 that the originality of
culture
Suggestion
the culture
 and rituals are vanished, while
other
plural of other; the people or things not already mentioned
others
 think
that is
 the only avenue to secure it. Both the parameters and my opinions are elaborated in upcoming text. The
first
 and foremost reason, to have
negative impact
Suggestion
a negative impact
 on
ancestoral’s
Suggestion
ancestor’s
ancestors
ancestral
 methods, is government’s money minded approach. Most of the modification
are done
Suggestion
is done
 to allure the travellers and earn possible revenues from that historical
sites
Suggestion
site
. Owing to
this
,
importance
Suggestion
the importance
 of native rituals
are
Suggestion
is
on
Suggestion
about
 extinct. To illustrate, The Sun temple, Modhera, has altered by many ways to attract
pople
(plural) any group of human beings (men or women or children) collectively
people
, but its native aspects
also
 changed.
Secondly major
Accept comma addition
Secondly, major
 concern is having
such
 a beauty and places, so it has to be changed at
certain level
Suggestion
certain levels
a certain level
 as per the demand. If foreigners do not have information, how can we grow up and get great business in tourism.
However
, by
remodificating
 of old buildings, not only more people will come to visit
,
Accept space
,
but they can learn many things out of
this
. Like, My german friend
have visited
Suggestion
has visited
 Ahmedabad
pol and
Suggestion
Pol and
poland
sidi
a place within a region identified relative to a center or reference location
side
Sidi
saiyad
mosquie
(Islam) a Muslim place of worship that usually has a minaret
mosque
 like historical places and made one documentary video, within a year laps, his university sponsored the Ahmedabad package tour in university to learn in depth customs and know reason to build it.
In addition
, whenever the foreigner visit, they boost up our government revenues and local people get
job
Suggestion
jobs
 by
this
 way. Totally, there are several reasons and area of concerns by which our old traditions and sites are hampered, but according to me, we have to accept the new trends and do some remoulding of it, so we serve more beauty to us as well as others and can utilize the source in worthy ways.
Submitted by Riken Patel on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Dilution of cultural traditions
  • Authenticity
  • Cultural heritage
  • Revenue
  • Financial support
  • Preservation
  • Promotion
  • Commodification of culture
  • Intrinsic value
  • Exposure
  • Global awareness
  • Respect and understanding
  • Economic gain
  • Local communities
  • Decision-making processes
  • Respectful portrayal
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