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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie charts give information about how people consume three types of unhealthy nutrients (
sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fats and added sugars) in typical meals(
breakfast
Use synonyms
,
dinner
Use synonyms
,
lunch
Use synonyms
 and
snacks
Use synonyms
) in the USA.
Overall
Linking Words
,
breakfast
Use synonyms
 is healthier than
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 three meals, with the lowest figures for all the types of unhealthy nutrients.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
dinner
Use synonyms
 and
lunch
Use synonyms
 are the most unhealthy meals, which have the highest and
second
Linking Words
 highest figures for both
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat.
Although
Linking Words
snacks
Use synonyms
 contain the most added sugar,
dinner
Use synonyms
 still has
Linking Words
second
Add an article
the second
show examples
 highest number of that. In the morning, American people absorb 14% of
sodium
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
day, which is the same amount as their
snacks
Use synonyms
. After
breakfast
Use synonyms
, the amount of
sodium
Use synonyms
 increase to 29%, which means that they consume more
sodium
Use synonyms
 in
lunch
Use synonyms
, and the figure for
dinner
Use synonyms
 increase even more to 43%. In terms of Saturated fat, people
also
Linking Words
 absorb the least of it from
breakfast
Use synonyms
 (16%). The pattern is similar to
sodium
Use synonyms
that
Change preposition
in that
show examples
lunch
Use synonyms
 has more saturated fat (26%), and
dinner
Use synonyms
 has even more of it (37%). As for added sugar, the proportions for
breakfast
Use synonyms
,
lunch
Use synonyms
 and
dinner
Use synonyms
 are 16%, 19% and 23% respectively. It is
also
Linking Words
 an increasing pattern, but the difference is that the figure for
snacks
Use synonyms
 is the highest(42%)
instead
Linking Words
 of
dinner
Use synonyms
(23%)

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, second".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, breakfast, dinner, lunch, snacks with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrients
  • unhealthy
  • typical meals
  • percentages
  • saturated fats
  • fibers
  • sugars
  • impact
  • average
  • consumption
  • trends
  • breakfast
  • lunch
  • dinner
  • highest
  • lowest
  • variation
  • implications
  • balanced diet
  • recommendations
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