IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
A glance at the graph provided reveals some striking similarities between the Chinese and US
birth
Use synonyms
 rates during the period from 1920 to 2000. It is evident that both nations saw considerable fluctuations in fertility, with lows during the 1940s and highs during the 1950s. Increasing from approximately 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1920 to 15
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1935, China`s
birth
Use synonyms
 rate
then
Linking Words
 plunged to a low of just 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
inn
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
1940s
Correct article usage
the 1940s
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 was followed by a period of exponential growth, with fertility in the country reaching a peak of 20
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in
1950s
Change the article
the 1950s
show examples
. The latter half of the century
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
, brought a sustained decline in
this
Linking Words
 figure. The US
birth
Use synonyms
 rate, meanwhile, fluctuated at somewhere between 11 and 13
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 prior to 1940, before dropping sharply to less than 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1945. The following 5 years saw a rapid climb in
this
Linking Words
 rate, to somewhere in the vicinity of 15
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1950, followed by a steady fall. It is interesting to note that
while
Linking Words
 the
birth
Use synonyms
 rates of both countries were comparable until 1950, the gap between the two widened
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 time as fertility in China slid away.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: