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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of people who have moved house either in last 3 years,between 3years to 5 years,not within the last 5 years

The bar chart shows the percentage of people who have moved house either in last 3 years,between 3years to 5 years,not within the last 5 years
#bar #percentage #people #house #years
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The information illustrated makes comparisons
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 proportion of emigrants who have migrated to new houses falling into four age
bracket
Fix the agreement mistake
brackets
show examples
 in three different
years
Use synonyms
 types.
While
Linking Words
 the rate of emigration fluctuated in the bar chart,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the vast majority of number
people
Use synonyms
 moved
house
Use synonyms
 between 3 to 5
years
Use synonyms
 ago,
whereas
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aged 50 or
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
vice
Correct word choice
and vice
show examples
 versa. Looking at the detail,
people
Use synonyms
 from 40 to 49 aged who migrated
new
Change preposition
to new
show examples
 residence over a period of 2
years
Use synonyms
 was the highest percentage in total, reaching a level of 55%.At the same
this
Linking Words
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 tended not
moved
Change the verb form
to move
show examples
house
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 5
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 was just above one-three compared to the ratio of
people
Use synonyms
changed
Correct pronoun usage
who changed
show examples
address
Correct pronoun usage
their address
show examples
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 3
years
Use synonyms
, with 14%.A
Linking Words
similarly
Change the adverb
similar
show examples
 proportion of 50 or older aged who moved
house
Use synonyms
 3 to 5
years
Use synonyms
 ago as high as that of not within
last
Linking Words
 5
years
Use synonyms
. One of the considerable points
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
,
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same ratio of
people
Use synonyms
 emigrated in all three various
years
Use synonyms
 kinds of 20 to 29 aged and 30 to 39 aged.The ratio of
people
Use synonyms
 from 20 to 29 aged moved
house
Use synonyms
 3 to 5 year just a bit higher than that of not within
last
Linking Words
 5
years
Use synonyms
Submitted by nguyenmaixk2 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, people, house with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moved" was used 4 times.
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