IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Films and computer games which contain violence are very popolular.Some people believe that they have a negative effect on society and so should be banned

#films #computer #games #violence #popolular #people #effect #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
For the time being, violent films and
computer
Use synonyms
 games have become rife among people, especially youngsters. They are believed to bring about deleterious impacts on
society
Use synonyms
 and so measures should be introduced for restricting them. To the best of my knowledge, watching violent movies and playing
computer
Use synonyms
 games can undoubtedly engender adverse impacts on both
society
Use synonyms
 as well as well-being of people and parents hold the most vital position in prohibiting
such
Linking Words
 forms of pursuits. To commence with, it is an undeniable fact that various
computer
Use synonyms
 games and films which are rooted in violence can contribute greatly to the emergence of
crime
Use synonyms
 escalation on
society
Use synonyms
.
Needlss
Suggestion
Needless
Needles
 to say that violent films being displayed by
TV
Suggestion
a TV
 can prompt mainly less educated people to turn their career of
crime
Use synonyms
. To be more precise, it would be absurd to ignore the fact that
crime
Use synonyms
 rates of
US
Suggestion
the US
, where
such
Linking Words
 horrendous films are not prohibited, are a considerably higher rather than other countries.
Hence
Linking Words
, films and
computer
Use synonyms
 games which contain violence should be banned in order to reduce the percentage of
crime
Use synonyms
. Another principle factor how violent films
bring
Suggestion
brings
 about adverse impacts is that depraved customs and exotic practices are absorbed by the youth thoughtlessly thereby watching these films and it would lead to the oblivion of long-standing ethics
on
Suggestion
in
society
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, exposure to
computer
Use synonyms
 games could lead to deterioration in health as many hours squandered on playing these violent games can cause a tremendous harm to
eye-sight
normal use of the faculty of vision
eyesight
. In the light of these aforementioned factors, restrictions for violent films and
computer
Use synonyms
 games ought to be introduced by parents of those exposed children as mentioned above. By of conclusion, films and
computer
Use synonyms
 games are based on violence can engender deleterious impacts on both
society
Use synonyms
 as well as
welfare
Suggestion
the welfare
 of humanity. I,
therefore
Linking Words
, strongly agree with
given assertion
Suggestion
the given assertion
 that prohibiting
such
Linking Words
 films and games. I hope that if these films are banned adequately, it will represent versatile benefits for a plethora of people.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: