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Writing Samples
Band 4

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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These data sources clearly communicate
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the rate of
books
Use synonyms
which
Correct word choice
that
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 male and female
readers
Use synonyms
 in Burnaby Public Library between 2011 and 2014. In 2011, the number of
woman’s
Change noun form
woman
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readers
Use synonyms
 made up nearly 5.000
books
Use synonyms
, which were higher 1.500 than that
of
Change preposition
apply
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men. In the following
one
Correct pronoun usage
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year, women tended to read
books
Use synonyms
 more than men, the rate of them
read
Wrong verb form
reading
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 roundly 8.000
books
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,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for men was 3.900
books
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. By 2013, both gender figures increased significantly and were similar to each other, at around 10.000
books
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the reverse pattern was seen in 2014 when the proportion of female
readers
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 dropped dramatically by 8.000
books
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, there was a sharp upward trend of figure for male
readers
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.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words books, readers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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