Avoiding preventable illness is the responsibility of individuals and their families, not governments.

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Some
people
Use synonyms
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
that
health
Use synonyms
is their
responsibility
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
on the other hand
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
believe that taking care of themselves and their family's
health
Use synonyms
by avoiding preventable illness is not their
responsibility
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, but the
government
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's
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
to control using regulation and it is wrong. When preventable illnesses
such
Linking Words
as the global pandemic
that is
Linking Words
happening right now like COVID-19, the
Government
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has already released some
rules
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and regulations for
people
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to avoid getting infected. There are some
rules
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such
Linking Words
as social distancing, wearing masks, not
gather
Wrong verb form
gathering
show examples
with many
people
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,
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
the
last
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option locks down. The
government
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already tried their best to prevent the spreading of the
viruses
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, but it depends on the
people
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themselves. There are some reasons why it is an individual’s
responsibility
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. If
people
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obey the
rules
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and regulations, the chain of the virus to
spread
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will be reduced. Sadly, many
people
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still do not care about the
rules
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that the
government
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has already made. They didn’t even know the
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
to prevent the
spread
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of
viruses
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. Individual
health
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Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
affected by many factors, including the lifestyle of the individual. An individual who is a couch potato (the one who always lying down in their bed) and
having
Wrong verb form
has
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a lack of exercise or a poor diet is more likely to become sick than an individual who makes healthier lifestyle choices
such
Linking Words
as routinely
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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some exercise like yoga, etc.
In contrast
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, some believe that it is the
government
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's
responsibility
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to make
people
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avoid preventable illnesses. I believe that
this
Linking Words
statement is wrong because not only
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
government
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
responsible for that, but the most important thing is the individuals
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
. Authority has provided the standard
health
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care and education on how to prevent that illness
Change preposition
among citizen
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citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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. They gave
people
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information
such
Linking Words
as the knowledge of what media the virus can possibly
spread
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,
how
Correct word choice
and how
show examples
to prevent the spreading like washing your hands regularly, and not
gather
Wrong verb form
gathering
show examples
with other
people
Use synonyms
. Some regulations
made
Add a missing verb
are made
show examples
to be obeyed,
however
Linking Words
, some
people
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choose to break
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. There are
also
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
that got infected, they don’t want to follow the protocols that
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
have already announced.
For example
Linking Words
,
some
Change preposition
in some
show examples
cases in Indonesia, there’s someone who got infected with COVID-19 and
instead
Linking Words
of following the protocols, they escaped the hospital and
spread
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the virus to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others. These can cause the others to be infected. So that’s how the
viruses
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still spreading and yet
people
Use synonyms
still blaming their authority. The fact that
people
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doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
risky behaviours like going out and
gather
Wrong verb form
gathering
show examples
with
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
caused
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
them to get sick.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
indeed has a role in terms of protecting their
people
Use synonyms
from preventable
viruses
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, the most important thing is back to the
people
Use synonyms
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
, whether they want to do their part of maintaining their fitnesses or not.
Submitted by alvinrenard09 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs have clear topic sentences and are logically organized. Use transition words to show the relationship between ideas.
task response
Make sure to fully address the prompt and support your ideas with relevant examples. Consider presenting a balanced view on the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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